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Since October, my husband and I have had a truly tough time. He lost a parent too soon. We lost a pregnancy that I'd been hoping for for about 2 years. To top it all off, "family" doesn't always stay true...so we lost "them" and our home all in a day. (Long story on the last one.)
For me, the hardest to deal with was losing my baby. It was made harder by comments from people trying to help but not understanding. I was told on a Monday night in the ER I was pregnant. I was happy but in complete shock. Tuesday morning, I woke completely overjoyed! That Thursday, however, my world came crashing down. Back to the ER I went with the same pain from Monday night but this time it was worse. My husband was at work. He showed up right after they told me my pregnancy was ectopic (they found "the mass" in my right tube). My options were surgery or a shot to "fix it" - FIX IT, i still hear these words in my head. All i could think was "There is nothing to fix. My baby is growing in me...everything is perfect and all that i want it to be." I had all that I had dreamed and hoped for literally stripped from me in mere minutes. I went into depression. No will to live. No reason to get up and move on.
I could have stayed that way. I could have bathed in self pity until I withered away. BUT life isn't fair. And it wasn't fair to my husband when he was still grieving his parent. I still have tough days. Not a day goes by that I don't remember what I went through. I remind myself that life moves on so I must move forward. I couldn't let two losses so close together come between the love of my life and myself. He truly is my best friend. And he lost something that day in the ER too. Instead of it being a wedge between us, we have allowed it to bring us even closer. I didn't know that was possible.
As for the "family" lost resulting in us moving from where we'd been renting (with no written rental agreement-just verbal originally through the passed parent), I refuse to hold anger or hatred. This world is depressing enough on it's own. That home apparently wasn't meant to be. That "family" cared more about possession than humanity and so-called love. So be it. I'll pray for them. I'm now in a better place and happier than I've been in a while. So, in hindsight, i guess i owe them.
All in all, life really isn't fair. But how you handle the curve balls can make a world of difference. Don't despair because you feel you have lost what you thought you cannot live without. Try not to become angry at someone because the words they choose to try to help don't sit well with what you want/need to hear. They do mean well. If you, fall get up. If you're told to move on but can't, try a different approach. Instead of moving on, move forward. Moving on seems final. Moving on seems like I just want to forget about my angel baby. I Will never forget. But I will continue to move forward. If my baby stayed, if this tragic loss hadn't happened, i would continue life. So i try to remember myself. I try to be kind to myself. I. Move. Forward. One day at a time...it's all it takes. I find one positive everyday because life isn't fair. But it can be beautiful if you let it. Don't let this world harden or defeat you. I almost did. But hope is out there somewhere. I think I have found it.
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