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So my ex...I was with him (let's call him CJT) for about a year and 4 months. I loved him so much, never had I loved anyone so much before, I was so happy even if I didn't show it all the time, he family were so kind and I got on with them really well...as the months went by things got difficult, my mental health was a mess and I didn't know what to do or to say to anyone so me being me kept it all to myself and tried to hide it in a box. I thought things were okay but in reality they weren't, the arguments were still happening I didn't want to have sex anymore, everything was too much but that's when I ignored the problem with my mental health and thought it was our relationship in general. It went on for a few months and we hoped we could sort it out and we would be okay. Apparently not I got so frustrated and upset and angry, I was fed up of it so decided to split up with him but we decided to stay friends, it was so hard because I knew I still loved him with everything I had. We had a holiday booked so we made a decision to still go together and see how things went, by this point I was talking to someone new, someone I had know for a long time and things where sparking between us. I felt disgusted with myself because I knew I still loved him (CJT) but at the time I my mental health was so bad I decided not to make any quick changes or choices.
So me and CJT went on holiday together, we had moments when we just laughed and laughed, we did things like a normal couple, even though we weren't actually together, then it got to the last few days of the holiday and we started to argue, things got bad one night, I don't want to talk about that but I ended up having to have a room on my own. We arrived home, from that day he was nothing but nasty to me, I didn't fight back I just let it go but then it got to the point of so much anger and frustration had built up I had to go to the police about what had happened that night that I didn't want to talk about. Following all of that, I wanted things to calm down, the guy I was talking to made me feel special, just like CJT had. I thought I just wanted to feel that way again, this new guy wanted to be with me but I didn't know where I was and who I was if I'm honest.
Ever since that day we got back, all I have dreams about is CJT to this very day, even though I have a new boyfriend and he has a new girlfriend, even the other night I dreamt I was back with him. Some days he's all I think about, he's now having a baby with his new girlfriend, I keep trying to tell myself it's all a dream, but it's not. I just want him to fuck her off. I love the guy I'm with now but CJT was/is the love of my life and I am finally admitting that after nearly a year. I'm stuck. I'm a mess. I need help
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