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I feel lonely
though I am dating someone, I just don't feel like it's real.
It feels like a fever dream. A dream you would forget soon and wouldn't even try to remember it.
Hell...
I don't even think I feel the same way.
I feel like I'm leading her in circles forever on and forevermore, never really going anywhere
and we'll continue on in this circle
until she decides she's had enough of my stupidity
my annoyingness
me
enough of me and who i am as a person
a depressed, suicidal, lonely, introvert, and overall dumb and stupid and annoying KID.
A KID WHO HAS NO IDEA HOW TO LOVE
HOW TO LOVE THEMSELF
because how can you love someone else when you can't even love yourself?
How do you know that love is real?
How do you know?
What Is love?
What is it really?
The feeling of having butterflies float in your stomach?
The feeling of having your throat close up because you can't find the words?
or is it something else?
Is it the thought of laying together, watching a cheesy movie?
Is it the conversations you have late a night when you can't fall asleep?
Because, what is it?
Please.
Let me know.
Because I need to love myself so I no longer feel empty
so I'm no longer leading someone I care for in circles.
In a never ending loop that'll just continue on and on and it will never end because I DONT KNOW.
I DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IT IS
I NEVER LEARNED
BECAUSE IF YOU NEVER LOVE YOURSELF YOU WILL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT
YOU WILL NEVER FIGURE OUT WHAT LOVE IS BECAUSE YOU CANT FIND IT IN YOURSELF
you can't find it in yourself.
you can't find it.
you can't.
It's just not there.
It doesn't exist to you.
It's a meaningless word that people use to describe something they like.
" I love this song! "
" I love this book! "
" I love you. "
But how will people know what it means if they can't find the word themselves in them?
What are you suppose to do when you can't love yourself?
Just give up?
Let go?
or do you try?
do you try and find it in an empty shell of a human being?
who has no idea what love is?
What do you do?
What do you do if you don't know what love is?
Please tell me.
Because I want to know.
I want to know what it is so I can let this person go and be happy.
So we both can be.
I want to know.
I would love to know.
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It's caring about the other person more than yourself. It's protection of them from the hurts of the world. It's kindness. No ons has to be kind to you.... They chose to. It's listening to them ramble in when you would rather be doing something else. Its alloweing yourself to be comforted when you feel down. Its forgiving your anger when you could of kissed butt. Its knowing yourself enough to know the pain you could cause but don't. Its allowing yourself to be vulnerable and letting someone help you through a tough time instezd of doing it all yourself. It's doing something nice for yourself. It's making sure you are not disregarded, but to stand up for your worth. Self love
ReplyThank you.
I really needed this.
ReplyLoving someone more than yourself is not self love at all.
Knowing you are just as worthy as everyone is self love.
ReplyI was just describing not only SELF love but showing love to others which in turn hopefully someone will show back to you.
ReplyI am sorry, but I disagree.
I understand what you are saying.
However love is a gift that is given without any expectation of anything in return.
That is real love.
ReplyPS
Helloooo back!
Reply