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Have you ever talked with a person for some time and after a while, you realize that life would be a little more void without this person? well i sure as hell did.
I never felt such a strong attachment to someone like this. they were so caring, so attentive, and they were always so nice and fun to be around with. even after all the crap and cold shoulder i gave them. I only gave them cold shoulders and act like i didn't care about them so they dont need to worry about me and live on happily without my tangled mess of a situation. they still wanted to help out and hang out with me. there was no reason for them to do that, or even have to talk to me and i wouldn't blame them at all if they had done that, but... they didn't. needless to say, it sent a surge of wild emotions and appreciation of this person. every sentence they spoke, i listened word for word and thought to myself what i could do to help make what ails them better, or learn what they like, and be able to learn a skill or create something that they mentioned being fond of, just so i could see them happy. They mentioned, their favorite animal are birds, so what do i do? bam, now i know how to tame birds and even have one tamed in my backyard. luckily, one of their favorites are pigeon, so it was easy.
The only wish i couldn't grant them that they asked for... was my own happiness and self. i grew up doing so much for others and family, that i sometimes forget who i am and what i want. Now as i am, a 20 year old, im still having a hard time balance family and self, and that person is off doing their own thing, and is supporting their family, thankfully. I hope they're having a much easier time than me. I do believe my family wants whats best for me too, but they're such a reserved bunch and we dont talk often so it feels a little scary if i do fail them.
Now why didn't I start something with this person when i had the chance you might be wondering? Well... we're both dudes. but wait, there's more! he's straight and wants to start his life with a woman he can trust and love, secondly, even if i COULD get him to be with me... i dont want to. he means so much to me, that i will sacrifice my feelings for him so that he won't be confused and/or scared for newfound feelings he may or may not have. That aside, can someone help/comment on what i could do to balance family and myself? thats my main problem i have as of now. and if im able to figure this out, that person may be a little more happy and pleased with himself if he sees me better... please i beg of anyone that reads this, tell me how i can better balance family and myself. any and all help/input is greatly appreciated
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