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Everyone thinks I'm such a ray of sunshine... but, behind the scenes, I'm lonely and confused
6 years ago · 6 · Sza, +8 · Explicit
566
Some people call what i feel toward him love... but i dont. Love doesnt hurt. I gave all of me to him. And even from the VERY beginning it was clear he didn't want me... except for his own fulfillment. He didn't care about my feelings... He just cared about what I gave him. I brought light with me... I made things fun... I made his life easier. I helped him so much. And all he did was tear me down. He criticized and condemned me. He made me hate myself... more than I already did. We had sex. Regularly. Until he found a girlfriend. Then he discarded me. Quickly. He didn't even think twice. I try not to compare myself to her but i cant help it... i mean, what does she have that i dont? Is she prettier than me? Is she more fun? Is she nicer? Is she smarter? Whats wrong with me?
They tell me I should be a model. They tell me I have SO many lovable qualities. Everyone says how wonderful I am.... so where is he? Who's gonna love me? What i feel toward him is an unhealthy craving to be desired. Its my own self hate holding me in a place that will never allow me to find love... self love. I thought I was done with this stage of my life... 2 years is way to long to be this way. But I did that. I thought it was over... SZA's album made me realize how much I still need to grow. I'm so bitter... but I don't show it. I'm still there for him. I act like everything's okay. Because I know No one knows him like I do. He needs me. But it hurts so much to be around them. Knowing that she has whatever it is I don't. That he sees something in her he doesn't see in me. It drives me crazy. I try so hard to tell myself all the right things but I don't feel them. I'm so destroyed.
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I don't care what my exes are doing when things end they end.
I never check up on my exes because once I move on I am done.
ReplyHe's not my ex... we're we friends...
ReplyI am sorry. ..I didn't realize.
If you find it too hard then distant yourself.
ReplyIf he keeps trying to rub it in your face then he is trying to hurt you.
Stay away from that sort of person.
ReplyYou think he's trying to hurt me? I mean, I can't think of what he has to gain from that... all I've ever done was try to make him happy... it's crazy thinking that he may want the opposite for me... well, actually he was pretty mean to me... He treated me like a punching bag... so verbally and emotionally abusive. Still, I just want to give him more of me. I know its not right... What's wrong with me?
ReplyI don't know. ...I am not having anything to do with my ex.
I have moved on.....I would never hurt him....or anything. Just trying to live my own life.
Reply