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My mind drifts as I try to think of a hundred ways to escape reality. Truth is, I have always been happier living in a place out of this world- somewhere between my imagination and my dreams. Conventionality and conformism are two things I have always been afraid of… but somehow, I always end up choosing roads that lead to my phobias. I am not sure about how many regrets I have had in past lives or what they were exactly. I just know that I still feel the weight of those unrealized promises and broken hopes. I somehow end up running away from that which I started of chasing after. I have always been scared to reach for the source that could shatter me open and truly make me feel alive- a force buried inside of me. I haven’t been myself since I was alone. Only in my complete solitude I have found a sense of company. Maybe it is because I’ve always longed for the type of company that is unattainable in life. The one that can only be found in the vastness of consciousness without the limitations of the physical world. It is true what they’ve written. “Living as a human has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
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I totally feel you. It's like you just described something I feel.
ReplyFor years I believed my perceptions and thoughts were private. I now feel connected to CONSCIOUSNESS / GOD / I AM. I'm the awareness who is steering my body / mind vehicle as I try to manage or just react to what happens. GOD is with me and silently experiences ITS existence through this vehicle. I don't always feel ITS presence, but it is comforting when I do.
As long as I live, things that involve me will be happening and I will have reactions. Some of these happenings will be pleasant, some will not, and the effects from most of them will not last. In my body and mind and out there in the world change is constant and can be satisfying, painful, scary, beautiful, expensive, noisy, flashy, etc. Rather than being too distracted or even consumed by these details, I'm detached enough to be able to watch this movie called 'My Life'. Some amount of involvement with the particulars is unavoidable so this perspective helps me cope and remain hopeful.
ReplyYour post is from 4 years ago with only one comment. What surprises and also disappoints me is that there seems to be so little discussion about the issues you raised. I would love to go back and forth with you because my views are similar but different enough that we might learn from each other. My fear is that you have moved on.
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