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Everywhere, there seems to be darkness. I feel like I'm walking for forever. I can't see anything or hear anything. When did things change? Why do people change?
My father threatened to kill or turn me out last night at 3 o'clock. I don't actually remember why he was angry. He came in the screaming and yelling. And when I cried in fear, he almost drag me out of the bed. In my religion, you have the option to pray late in the night, when God is the closest to earth. He wanted my family to wake up for it. While I don't mind waking up, I had finally managed to get some restful sleep. I have terrible nightmares that wake me up screaming so I barely sleep. I suppose I was knocked out and hadn't heard him calling earlier. Which lead to him bursting into my room as if I had committed adultery. Regardless, I am more afraid of my father than the nightmares that plague my sleep.
I don't have the strength to kill myself and I won't do that to my parents. I won't condemn them to that sort of life. As much as I hate them now, they weren't always like this. I wasn't always like this.
Normally, I would lose hope and faith in God. But God is the only hope I have left. The only person who listens without telling me I'm wrong. I have no one else.
I walk in darkness with no aim. I walk alone with no light guiding me. There are no walls here and no monsters.
Just me. Just me and the darkness. Having God as hope is the only thing keeping me from becoming a part of it.
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