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Depression. That motherfucker aint no joke. Lol. At this point I really dont want to talk about it but here I am talking about it. At this point I don’t have the energy to care. At this point I understand that the world doesnt understand so I should just mask it. It’s sad because you would think at one point somebody would understand. Somebody on the outside would get it. Maybe when its too late. Nope. lol. When it is too late people feel bad and they wonder where the signs were but they dont understand. They say well maybe if they wouldve talked to somebody or told somebody it would be ok. I’m here. I’ve talked. People hear and they get uncomfortable but they don’t understand. They get tired. I would too. Some of you will read this and wonder if you’re this type of person. Nine times out of ten you probably are and its okay because you’re human. You were born to be flawed and shitty. After a while of being sad and people getting tired, you get tired of others getting tired. You get tired of superman or God not coming down to save your little ass. You get tired of being tired until you’re too tired to continue to be tired so you want to die because dying is the only way to rest. Eternal rest after a life of being tired. Problem is you have to have balls to sleep. You have to go through hell first in order to sleep. Maybe I wasn’t tired my whole life. Well I know I wasn’t tired my whole life. I think shit got hard when I woke up. Thats funny. I got tired of life the minute I woke up into the real world. When you’re 5 this isn’t real to you. Life is a game of not understanding shit but still going. When you finally hit a age where you understand, shit is no longer a fun game. It’s more like a game in Saw. This fucked up decision or this one. Do you want to lose or do you want to Lose? Most people just pick lose instead of Lose and go on. I remember that stage. It’s nice compared to this one. This is the stage where you don’t care whether you take the bigger loss or the smaller loss because you’re too tired to care about the next stage of events in your life. You’re going to lose anyways. So for me life is loss, being tired, and masking emotion. I’m not going to lie a little piece of me still wishes that somebody understood and didn’t just hear me. But that’s not how life goes. I will live in this eternal fatigue until my body is too tired of being tired and it goes into eternal rest. Hopefully shit gets better for me but it probably wont. Oh well. Life, right?
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