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I've had a crush on this girl for about 4 years now. It started in grade 7 when I became friends with her, and near the end of grade 8 we were decently close. High school started and we went to different schools for that year. We didn't text at all save me telling her that Fire Emblem Fates was coming out soon because I knew she would forget. Grade 10 rolled around and we go to the same school again. However, the year away must of taken its toll as we didn't really talk much. Last week though, I feel like we started to get a bit closer again (she even asked me to hang out with her at break on Friday which hadn't happened since grade 8), I was ecstatic. I went through the weekend really happy, but knew I wouldn't see her until next Thursday (July 29) since she wasn't going to the last 3 days of school and wasn't doing exams. (I can't say why, but I know she was struggling with some things both school and non-school related throughout the year, I think she only went to one class which was the one with our friends in it.) Just this morning, I get a text from her which also made me excited since she also hasn't done that since grade 8. I see what it says and my heart drops. Paraphrasing a bit, it says "I don't think you'd really care, but I'm a guy now. Call me XXX now. I'd appreciate it."
Now I know that she doesn't like the female body that much, and has expressed that in the past (she didn't say anything about getting a sex change, but still). I also don't have anything against people changing their gender as long as they're serious about it. I'd support her all the way with this, but it makes me really sad. Even though I'm bisexual, now that she's a boy, I don't have a crush on her anymore. She's the only person that I've had a serious crush on, while every other crush consisted of liking someone for a month and then having the feeling fade. Her however, I felt a connection with even if she didn't with me. I'm not sure if she's going to act different next time I see her, but even if she's the exact same, I still can't crush on her if she's a guy. I look for different attributes in boys and girls, and her attributes that make me like her as a girl, only makes her a friend as a male. After 4 long years of fantasies, I guess time to let go of that wonder fuzzy feeling. I wonder how long it'll take for someone else to give me that feeling...
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the thing about life is, you never who you're going to meet tomorrow. cheers and keep on loving.
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