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Iv'e heard stories talking about how a loved one, girlfriend, dad, baby, even a pet can make you better yourself.
Make you have one beer instead of five.
Make you throw out that pack of cigarettes.
Make you put down that pipe.
Make you think.
Iv'e heard success stories such as those are not long lasting because it wasn't ones choice to quit.
That having inspiration to quit besides yourself is a set up for failure.
That you must love yourself and want a recovery.
He's told me he loves himself.
He's got a job that he went to school for, it's 2017, that never happens.
He lives with his parents and they would do anything for him.
Such as, clean his room, pay his bills, and basically wipe his ass and never tell him where toilet paper comes from in which to clean his spoiled rump.
He's got a girlfriend, me, that has put up with his lack of common sense, annoying habits, and the drug addiction for the past two years and i'm still here.
What a spoiled life.
Spoiled is a key word there and I'll give you a minute to let that sink in....
Because the hardest thing I have ever seen him face was paying for a windshield that he broke out of rage cause he threw his grinder at at it.
Because he takes everything given to him for granted.
Because he takes me for granted as he takes a hit of weed.
Because he used to spend around $200 plus bucks a month on pot.
Because instead of buying Christmas presents for his loved ones he got pot.
And it was my fault.
It was my fault some how in all of this mess that he has made for himself
he threw his presents at me, the ones he hardly could afford
"Here open this one I'm a piece of shit, I know."
"No you're not, let's just calm down and enjoy Christmas."
"I spent like 50 bucks on you, I'm a piece of shit."
"No you're just an addict, I don't hate you for that, we can fix it, I'll help, I'll give 150% I've got you."
All of my presents were thrown at me that year.
So he got a better paying job and he got sober for probably a week but he said a few months but then I caught him.
And he thinks I'm fucking stupid or something cause I can smell it.
And this has been going on back and forth for years
He gets clean and then keeps up a lie till i catch him
and I have a fucking 6th sense for this shit because I catch him every time.
I let him keep doing it though just to see how long he can lie to me
and the answer is infinitely.
cause I've always had to catch him in it.
tonight he went out to his car to get his laptop
he came back and immediately changed his clothes and put on his work clothes for later.
He sprayed his body spray to cover up the smell.
Actions speak louder then words and smells apparently.
"It's just pot"
but it's not
not when your moods are so fucked up from not having it for a short period of time that you bring me down and treat me like shit.
Not when you spend so much money on this shit and expect one day to just stop when you need to actually pay bills.
Not when you value weed over love because you fucking know it makes me feel uncomfortable.
So I heard these damn stories about changing for the ones you love
and I put in my all.
I put in so much time to help him out and give him advice that I forgot about myself.
I've neglected myself for so fucking long I feel like I'm gonna snap.
Between that and sucking up my pride at a corporate retail hell that I call my full time job.
Some times I just wanna self destruct.
I wanna smoke pot or drink myself sick or maybe pick up a bad habit of prescription pain pills again
like when I was 16 and didn't know any better.
But I know better and as much as I want to jump of the theoretical bridge
and that occasional non-theoretical bridge.
I don't.
One day I would like to say that it was all worth it.
That I helped him grow into a better person who doesn't have to get high to feel okay or "cool".
But I've lost all hope.
And I give up.
Because if you wanna get high and treat me like I'm stupid,
or if you wanna take up all my recrosses and not even use them.
If you wanna lie straight to my fucking face when all I have ever been was understanding and helpful
Then I give up,
Then I'm done.
You can go get high and I'll put about the same percentage in a relationship as you do.
and soon before you know it I'll slip right between you're fingers
because I deserve someone who doesn't value weed over love.....
But I'll never leave.
And you can go straight to hell cause you know that.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
You definitely deserve better. If he's not mature enough to value love over material things, then leave. Give him his space and time to rethink his decisions. If you stay, you'll be the one spoiling him.
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