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I'm probably the unluckiest person in this world. Used to get bullied in schools, got slapped by a teacher because I forgot to bring my copy for that class and even got kicked out from one school by the Principal because I was absent for many days. So, that tells you a lot about how low my self confidence is. To make my life extra fun, my dad sold half of our property to some random guy without even discussing it with my mom which is the reason why I still have to sleep with my mom in my 20s and my dad sleeps alone in another room. My parents constantly fight every single day and call each other by abusive names in front of us. Mom keeps telling us we should not trust our dad and dad keeps telling us we should trust our mom because she's a witch and turning us against him. We also think that my dad is or has had an affair with one of my cousins. I'm in the middle of all this chaos and and I've been in this for the past 19 years where my mom keeps telling us how abusive my dad and his family had been towards my mom from the beginning of their marriage and how much she regrets being married to my dad and tells us it's better to stay single forever than be married to a jerk like him. It's funny how the outside world doesn't even have a clue what we are going through every day. We bottle up all our family problems from my friends, my cousins, my classmates, my mom's friends, my dad's friends and my sibling's friends. They see us as this happy perfect family who love each other so much and are always there for each other. The credit of such pretense actually goes to my mom who tells us it's no use talking about your problems to people because at the end they are going to use it against you to bring you down just like my dad does every time he gets the chance. Now it is getting very hard to trust outsiders because we can hardly trust our dad. My mom says to study hard and go somewhere abroad and take her along with us away from my dad because she can't take it anymore. Every time I like a guy or make friends I just think about how they are so much better than me. I have a very low self-esteem which I try not to show.Sure everyone has problems but I'm sure very few of them have their own dads ruining their lives. I feel so small and inferior in front of my friends and I try my best not to show even a pinch of my real emotions to them. I try my best to keep my head high. I try my best to make an identity of my own.
Why am I suddenly talking about this today on an anonymous site? Well, because today I had an exam that I worked so hard studying for and I ended up making silly mistakes that's going to cost me about 10 marks. When I was on my way to give the exam, my mom and I had a huge fight. I blamed them both for ruining my studies and I was so mad and frustrated that I screwed up my exam . I thought to myself for how long my life is going to continue like this? I work hard for something and just because of my family's frustrated life I keep failing at anything that I attempt to do and cry myself to sleep. This is how it's going to be now. Will I never be able to fulfill my dreams?
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All I read was you blaming everything on either your parents or your so called "luck". If you still you live with your parents in your 20s, its not a bad thing, and If you don't want to live with your parents just go and get a job and get your own place. Life is how YOU make it not how life makes it for you. If every other guy would just let things happen how they happen and leave it all on fate, no body would be successful
ReplyAditya, your advice is good but I'm not sure it's the right way to give it. She has definitely been through a lot which is why even her family and everything in her life seem negative to her. You cannot just blame a person for going through such hardships in life and mentally suffering from it due to lack of trust on her parents .Your parents are the only ones to whom you can go to after all the rejection, failures and struggles you have faced from everybody else in this world but clearly she can't trust either of them because they constantly fight with each other and one tells not to trust another because they want to ruin their kids' lives. Maybe she can't leave her family behind because of her mom who needs support from her. Not everyone can be as practical as you and just forget about things and move on.
What I would tell the writer of this post is that be brave and keep working hard. Failure in one doesn't decide your entire destiny. Maybe you are thinking that your lack of mental peace is stopping you from moving forward, maybe it is but does it mean you will just give up on your life and continue to blame your parents for it? Will that bring any good to you? Past is past and you cannot do anything to change it. What you can do is change your future for the better, for yourself and for your family :) Sometimes it happens, that we become so negative about everything that even after working so hard on something we screw it up. You have a reason to complain, you have a reason to do bad in your studies, you have a reason to be sad, you have a reason to blame it on your parents for your lack of concentration on your studies provided how much frustration they've gone to in their married life and unknowingly putting that frustration on you too. But are you going to let that reasoning ruin your life? I'll take the answer as 'NO' Good luck! :)
ReplyYes, you are right :) Past is past and I cannot let it ruin my future and this is why I will continue working hard and try to acheive my goals. Thanks for understanding my problem.
ReplyUmmm...Aditya, how the hell do you know that I don't have a job?!! Please, before giving advice to someone make sure that you understand that person's situation. I am a student and I also have a part time job. And this is your solution!!?? In order to live a happy life you are asking me to leave behind my already frustrated family alone and just forget about them and live my own life??!! Not everyone is as insensitive as you are. It's easier said than done. Not once here have I said that I don't want to live with my family. Even after our dad has caused so much pain in our lives we all are still trying to live a normal life. I always have hectic days and most of these days start and end with my parents fighting all the time. I would really like to hear how you handle a situation and stay positive where your own dad sells half of your family fortune, doesn't give explanation to you about what he has done with this money, says that he doesn't have money to pay for your education, your parents fighting ever since you were a kid and where your dad has an affair with one of your cousins!!! I could have moved out very easily but I cannot because my family needs me even if the things they are doing are affecting me badly. I was just mad from all these fights and was wondering for how long this is going to continue like this. And FYI I don't rely on fate. If I had done that I wouldn't have been working so hard on my studies for the past 19 years to improve my life!! Don't make me sound like I'm a lazy bum who's feeding on their parents' money and complaining about it.
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