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Why must I have feeling for someone that I shouldn’t have. Couple of weeks ago I came out 2/3 of my closest friends as gay. Why didn’t I tell that third person? Maybe it’s because I’m having feeling for him that I can’t stop. I don’t want to ruin that perfect friendship with him. Feeling for a person that you know is straight and will never look at you like anything other than a friend is hard. But last night you see, was the hardest. He came over to the bar with some girl. And I know I shouldn’t be jealous because hello that man is straight. But I was. I was so jealous I stayed quiet and couldn’t enjoy myself. After that girl left, he just puts his arms around me and asks “are you ok you seem to quiet today”. I want to tell him but instead I keep my feeling to myself. And just reply with “yes I’m totally fine, why wouldn’t I be” I can’t ruin our current friendship. He’ll probably accept me for who I am. I’m pretty sure he knows that I am. But I can’t tell him I have feelings for him. I did cry last night through. I cried because I can’t have him. I just have to accept the fact that I will never have him. Our friendship is just amazing. He hugs me every time we see each other. He picks me up whenever I’m to drunk to walk. He let’s me sleep in his arms when we are in the car heading home. I feel like my feeling for him get stronger every time I see him. Maybe he’ll stop doing all these things when he finds out who I truly am. I think I should just separate myself for a while. And stop hanging out with him. Just for a few weeks maybe months. It would probably be for the best. These bundled feelings can’t be healthy for me.
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