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so im starting college soon. that is one big step in someones life and i dont know how people do it. im moving up to an apartment with my girlfriend of 3 years and i dont know how i feel. its not the fact that im moving in with her cause ive been waiting for this since we met but its the fact i wont have my sister there with me to go to the store with me or i wont have my mom telling me what to do in situations. i know i have a phone but it only fixes the pain for a couple face times or phone calls. it is 3 hours away, not so easy to just come home every weekend. do other people rethink their decision on going away for college or is it just me? i got everything taken care of money wise so i know i cant back out anymore but can i still think what if i back out? is it okay to be scared? i dont want to leave my family and i feel its going to be the hardest cause i cant go a week without them. i move away in a month and its been scaring the living crap out of me every time i think about it which is all the time. I know im just an over reacting girl but im scared. what is my sister going to do without her big sister there? whos gonna help her with her homework and go to all of her sports games. i want to cry every time i think about leaving her.
there is more to this stress then just college. its my ex boyfriend. i know what you are thinking, this girl has a girlfriend but use to have a boyfriend? thats a story for another time but we dated about 4 years ago right before i came out to being gay. It was almost a cover up to my family but also someone to give me attention. his name is aaron, we were together for about a year and it was the worst year of my life looking back on it. we met through a dating website, i know lame. we finally met and i came to find out he lied about his age, he was actually 18 and i was 15. gross. well stupid me i fell right in "love" with this kid. i went behind my mom back and rode my bike 6 miles every night to see this kid. i would skip school, lose all my friends for him and lose all my trust from my mom. The first night i found out he was cheating on me i went insane. i was punching walls, telling him im going to kill myself and eventually hurting myself over it. the second time i found out he was cheating on me, i told him this was it, its either me or her. he chose her. the third time he cheated on me i forgave him right away, scared i was going to lose him again. the fourth, fifth, six and seventh time he cheated on me i got use to it. we would fight then everything would be back to normal. now over to the first time he hit me. it was like a struck of lighting, i was shocked then mortified. i started crying and hitting him back still in shock that he just slapped me across the face. now the second, third and millionth time he hit me its almost as if i got so use to it that it didnt hurt anymore. what was i thinking? i lost my friends, my family. everything. i dont know exactly what snapped me into reality because its almost like i blacked out for the month that finally ended us, it was hard to move on and to this day i still dont understand why? to this day his voice haunts me, everywhere i turn i somehow see him and its my worst nightmare. how can i defend myself when i never use to? i know hes out of my life but the memories will never be and they will never leave.
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It's totally okay to feel scared! I'm always scared when making a big decision like that. One of the scariest things I ever did was leave my home on the west coast to go live on the east coast. I'd never even been to the east coast before, but I just knew if I kept living the way I was that I'd never be happy. So I packed up all my stuff and moved to live with an old coworker of mine. Best decision I ever made. I loved it so much. Being away from everything I used to know made me feel like I could finally breathe again. I always told myself that I'd never know if I didn't at least give it a chance. I always felt the same way about my younger brother as well because I was the closest one to him in my family. & he previously had been in and out of jail so I was scared of leaving him behind because if he needed my help I'd be all the way across the country. Of course he turned out fine & he hasn't been in trouble since. He's even due to get off probation this year. I know you don't want to leave your sister behind, but getting away might just be the best thing that has ever happened to you. & you will never know until you give it a chance. Worse comes to worse you can always head back home to be with your sister. But don't let fear hold you back on living your life.
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