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Every day a piece of my hearts breaks off. Whether it be small or big, I can feel it cracking as I watch my friends continue their life, not even trying to help me with this pain. They know but they do nothing, and it hurts. They know I need someone, but they don't want to be that someone. They never knew before, they always turned to me for advice with a friend. If they were sad, I cheered them up. I put them first instead of me, but they can;t seem to return the gesture. Now, everything I do seems to create anger and resentment towards them. Happiness turned to anger, anger turned to sadness, sadness turned to bitterness, and then it all melted together in a never ending cycle of pain and hurt that I can't escape. With each broken piece, another bit of happiness and everything I used to fall away. I feel like I'm suffocating, drowning in an endless ocean of misery that I can't seem to escape. day by day I lose myself in hours of watching a screen, wishing someone would call me on my phone, that the only true friend I've had gave me. But he moved away, and now the only thing that connects us is that phone. He texts, but no one else does. He was my center of gravity before he moved away. (Not my boyfriend btw) In this past year I was happy with him, but now he's gone, and everything seems so much darker without him to vent too. After everything that's happened, nobody seems to care about my pain. My mom and sister argue all the time, and I sit alone, trying to not let them see the tears that threaten to fall every time I hear them scream. My friends never realize the hidden pain in my gaze as they joke, and laugh with each other, while barely ever talking to me. I used to be happy, but ever since last year, when everyone I knew broke their trust and turned their backs on me, I have just been digging myself into a deeper pit that I can't escape. I don't fear death because I don't want to live in this world anymore. Where people judge others cruelly. people have said I view the world differently than any other person they've met before. It's true, I see the beauty in the world, but I also see all the lies and cruelty in it. I understand the pain and dark morbid nature of humans better than anyone I've met. I know too much for my age, and my thoughts aren't supposed to be this dark. A 13-year-old girl shouldn't have to go through this pain day after day, but I do, and I know others do as well. This world is imperfect, and most time s I want to just end seeing this torture. But I know I can;t. I know that despite everything, someone will miss me. And even after everything I've been through, I can handle the pain and the stress. If even one person stood by my side and comforted me when I needed it, I wouldn't be this way. but My heart is shattered into pieces, and no one will help me pick them back up.
Sorry for the 500-word paragraph but I needed to get this off m chest.
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ReplyYou are not alone I thought I had friends that cared but all they cared about was themselves when I told one of them that I was depressed and thinking of killing myself he laughed and told me that depression is a lie and it's only a ruse to get attention but then I relized who needs them if they can't help you don't help them. Find a new friend who will just talk with you not just one sided but both sides it may not be easy at first but you will get there I still haven't found a friend that I can talk to without being judged but I hope you do you need a good friend
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