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The No Bullshit Truth for Fat Chicks on Getting Fit in 2015
8 years ago · 0 · Explicit
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This article is meant to be direct, short, and honest. There is nothing to sell, no author to benefit, and no sponsorship to get in the way.
You may be getting fit for the first time in your life in 2015, or maybe you are just trying to improve your established fitness regimen in 2015, or, LIKE THE MAJORITY, you are trying AGAIN in 2015 to get fit after failing several times in past years. This article is here for you to get the truest info, without suggesting costly programs or promises that are too good to be true.
This article isn't my personal recommendation either, it is a compilation of crowd sourced data direct from people, only including what works. There is no company behind, no personal bias, no bullshit.
There are four tiers of becoming fit. Don't start them all at once, ease each of them in slowly, even if you need to take three months.
1. Expectations - This is a lifestyle change, if you aren't up for that go try (and fail at) one of those bullshit programs.
2. Diet - The highest priority change, MORE IMPORTANT THAN EXCERCISE! If you do anything well, do this.
3. Exercise - Being more active, plus adding two or more important exercises to your life. That's all that's required: more active and two exercises.
4. Enjoyment - Put as much effort as possible into enjoying your new fitness achievements: smile at what you see in the mirror.
That's it. Do this and you will become fit this year. No bullshit. There is so much data on My Fitness Pal, Reddit, Nerd Fitness, and Fitocracy that I don't need to link to anything. Use the search, use google, and make sure you are doing these things right.
Now, for a little more detail.
1. Expectations - Start doing this the first day of your journey.
• Be realistic, and right down what you consider being fit. Maybe it's running a marathon. Maybe it's looking good in a bikini. Maybe it's just being able to play with your kids. WRITE IT DOWN, and put it away somewhere that is a permanent hiding place only for you to know about.
• Understand how long it took you to get into the state of fitness you are now in, and imagine it taking at least that long to get yourself out.
o Find a date in the future that is that far away, and imagine achieving what you wrote down one that date, how great it will feel and how nice and less pressured you will feel then.
• Plan to piss off your friends and family, who will not be as supportive as you want about your new lifestyle.
• As a fat girl you don"t want to be around people much during this process, make plans to get time alone inside and out where you will have privacy.
• Plan to spend 10 minutes a week, for the rest of your life, doing these things:
o Take pictures once a week, regardless of whether you improved or not. Put these pictures in your hiding place, or google a way to store them privately on your phone.
o Measure your important areas, waist, hips, arms, neck, write it down and store it in your secret place.
o Weigh yourself multiple times a week, after pooping, write it down and store it in your hiding place.
o Record all of your food on My Fitness Pal. All of it! Drinks too.
o Look at yourself long and hard in the mirror. See yourself, and don"t avoid it. You are who you are, and even if you don"t like the look of it, you have to accept it. Every time you look, get excited that by the time this year is over you will be fit.
o Once a week, check out some entries at reddit progresspics, you can search for someone in your exact situation (I WAS F/34/5"4" 300lbs) and get stoked at how many people are also on the journey, or have completed the journey with you. Also note how quickly they did it! This was what kept me going the most! One day maybe you"ll post your pics to inspire someone!
• Plan to spend 12 minutes a day, three days a week to exercise, eventually.
• Without sleep your fitness goals will take longer to achieve. Google or reddit how to get better sleep. You need it.
• Get a water bottle, and never go anywhere without it. This is like your cigarrete, you will be drinking water after taking a dump, after a workout, after a meal, while you are driving, etc. Always have that water bottle, and fill it up as often as you can.
• So far our week consists of about 45 minutes devoted to fitness. Over a week. You can do that.
• Plan for your week. Set a reasonable goal to be complete by the following week, something that will help you say yes to good choices and no to bad ones, like "I"m not going to eat that ice cream because I am planning to be down a dress size by Monday".
2. Diet - Start this 5-7 days after you have started your journey, and have been doing the steps in Part 1 successfully.
• Eat Paleo, period. Stop arguing and do it.
o If you think it"s too expensive go google how to do it cheap, it"s actually cheaper than a normal American diet once you know how.
o If you think it doesn"t lose weight fast enough, go start one of those bullshit diets and fail.
o If you think it"s a fad, you are probably right. No matter what it works, and has the highest continued use after 5 and 10 years. Why? Because it fuels fitness and keeps you slim.
• Realize the truth about how food fucks with your body.
o Fat is good for you, and helps keep you lubricated and full.
o Cholesterol is an essential building block in good hormone balance, eat it!
o Sugar is the enemy of your fitness. Your body makes sugars from starches/carbs, alchohol, and fruit! Stay away from sugars more than anything.
o If you have to have sugar, try to enjoy it every other week, if holidays are approaching plan to make them a sugar cheat day.
o Give yourself two weeks on a strict Paleo diet to detox from stuff. You will find that you actually enjoy it more than your old diet when you don"t have your body screaming at you to eat twinkies and cheesecake.
o Hormones make us happy or sad, but achieving hormonal balance is something that will help you to stay consistently motivated. Sugars, certain meats, and preservatives all screw up your hormone balance. Good Paleo foods, activity, and enjoyment will all help with the balance!
o That means no coffee creamer, soy sauce, whipped cream, or "creamy" salad dressings.
• Record everything with My Fitness Pal for at least a month.
o You will know when you can stop using it and get the hang of your new diet.
o I use it for a couple days every month or so to see how I"m doing. Every time I"m surprised that I"ve allowed a new snack or something to mess me up and didn"t even notice, so keep it around FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
o My Fitness Pal"s guide to eating less calories works well, but basically eat between 500 -1000 less than you were the first week before you started the diet. It takes a lot of Paleo food to eat that much, you will be full!
• Get an accountability partner!
o Search in reddit GetMotivatedBuddies, or find someone you know, that is your gender and commit to fitness together.
3. Exercise - Start this 20 to 30 days after you have established your diet and are in control.
• Truthfully the more you exercise, the more hungry you will be, but if you are trying to lose weight DON"T EAT MORE.
o We are amazing at using whatever we want to justify eating more. Don"t do it.
• If weight loss isn"t your thing, using the My Fitness Pal"s exercise diary does great to tell you how many additional calories you can use.
o Just make sure that it"s all Paleo! Red Bull, Pre Workouts, Protein powder are all stupid bullshit, and full of calories and sugar.
• Accept that you have been lied to about exercise. Expensive equipment and programs are there to get your money.
o Just be more active.
Walk instead of driving somewhere.
Swim or take cold showers EVERY DAY. Google the amazing results that cold water immersion does for weight loss.
Take the stairs.
Do work around the house fast and explosive.
Have more sex for longer.
Brush your teeth while also holding something heavy.
Use a basket instead of a shopping cart.
Park far away from places.
Play with your kids, pets, and family.
Pace or stand while watching TV, talking on the phone, or playing games.
o Add these two exercises to your life three times a week:
5x5 Squats holding a grocery store bag in front of you.
• Every day that you do this, add another can from your pantry to the bag.
• Eventually you will need two bags, then a shopping tote, then a duffel bag. By then you will be strong as fuck.
• The squats work almost everything, and most importantly your large muscle groups that will raise your metabolism the stronger you get.
Overhead Press
• 5x5 Overhead Press using bags, like above, adding weight the same way everytime.
• The Overhead Press will tone your neck, shoulders, arms, and chest.
o That"s it. Seriously. If you want to add more, wait until you hit your goal that you first wrote down. But right now just focus on doing this well. You have the whole rest of your life to do ambitious shit, for now just be happy with how easy this is!
o Start taking care of your skin! A major change in your fitness will mean that you may end up with some sagging areas if you aren"t careful.
Dry Brush a few times a week. Google it.
Wear tighter and more "pushupey" type of clothes and shapewear, especially bras. The Overhead Press, cold showers, weight loss, dry brushing, and more muscle, means your tits will change a lot, make sure that they resettle in the shape you want with a good tight set of pushup or shape defining bras.
Same goes for your butt!
Oil everyday! Cocoa butter, olive oil, baby oil doesn"t matter, but keep your skin tight and moist with oil. Google it!
Get a small amount of sun everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Even where the sun don"t shine, get some sun in/on there. You aren"t trying to get a tan, but your skin reacts the UV and Vitamin D in direct sunlight, so spend just 5 minutes laying out. A little everyday keeps the veins and cottage cheese away.
4. Enjoyment - If you aren"t enjoying being fit, what"s the point?
• Start doing one of these a week after 3 weeks of starting your journey
o Buy some new clothes that are tight, a v-neck or some yoga pants, and walk around the mall. It feels so good to be able to find more and more clothes that fit! Now you can wear the cute underwear and bras instead of the old lady sag support. And don"t forget to take your fat chick clothes to the thrift store.
o Sit on a chair and hug your knees.
o Check out your progress pics.
o Show the improvement to someone, let someone pinch your belly or under your arms with pride that you are improving.
o Flash yourself in the mirror, pretend you are flashing someone special.
o Try on old clothes that haven"t fit in a while.
o Do something new that you didn"t like doing as a fat chick (running, biking, laying out)
o Sleep naked, alone. There truly is no more restful state.
o Join a 5k or something for charity.
o Take a selfie. It"s stupid, but now you can.
• Once your goal is complete, it is absolutely required to do these:
o Go on a vacation that includes an activity where you can show off your kickin new bod!
o Take some final pictures and post them on reddit progresspics
o Start flashing your bae.
o Sleep naked with your bae.
o Model your new self, nude, and let your bae just look you over for a few minutes posing you however your bae wants to. It"s awkward but also so great a feeling that I cried tears of joy!
o By a whole new permanent wardrobe.
o Do something you would have never done as a fat chick.
o Learn to strip tease, pole dance.
o Join a competition and win.
o Take selfies.
You are now fit, and you are probably surprised about how short of a time it took to accomplish your goals if you keep the fit life simple. Congrats!
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