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I thought everything was perfect. That we are all happy. But am I the only one who can how fucked up with all are? I know that in my family, none of us are truly happy. My mother has issues, who she isn't afraid of reminding us. My dad works too hard to provide for us, he has anger issues, and he has issues asking for help. My brother wants attention, he need to go out and hang with friends. He doesn't like himself, he wants to change. I have a feeling that he had hurt himself and I hope he doesn't know. I on the other hand, no one knows how I feel, just like how they don't know how each other feels. I don't know if I am the only one who can see this. See that we are all breaking and that one day we won't be here. Or if they are just as blind as I was months ago. Or they just don't care.
We can't all be in the same room for a long time without fighting. If one of us gets mad then boom, we all are mad. I can feel the tension in the house. I know that we love one another and care for each other. But I don't understand why we can't get help. I want to be able to ask for help, I don't want to fear that one of my parents or brother is going to kill themselves. Or if they get so mad that they kill one of us. We are losing it and I don't want to be here when we do.
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The cycle of family. It's not okay to be that way, but it happens. Tension is bad. I'm sorry to hear your rough time. But try to deal with it by part and not as a whole. If your family has issues, you might want to just wait it out. Let them figure it out. All families go through this. And if they can't then talk to someone about it. Maybe another trusting family member outside the group. Get some new perspective.
ReplyYea, that's a tricky one. Slippery slope. Because our feelings can fluctuate, but if partner is mad, the other one being calm and/or not reaction may help. It's not easy, but ultimately if both people wanna work it out with out being fake or too constricted (being able to maintain who they are, their identity) then yes, just be quiet when the other one is mad, allow them to vent, do what they need to get it out, then when they come to it, they will come and give you a hug or something. And don't take it personal, especially if it has nothing to do with you. Relationships are about work. And sometimes, things get heated because feelings are involved, no matter where you are in the spectrum of time (experience). With children it's difficult. They may have had to fake it around you for a long time to lose that "communication" skill they probably once had. When you mix kids in the mix especially before you get a good base for your relationship skills, it happens. It happens when mother has depression after and problems are put away to be looked at while pregnant and then forgotten. It happens when the father isn't appreciated or be made felt appropriate or useful or good.
And then these carry on, because it adds and adds.... Sometimes couples therapy can help. Other times, time is the ointment. I say, focus on yourself, and if you can address how all this makes you feel then great (family meetings). If you can't then forgive them for life isn't an easy road and we all try to be perfect and good for ourselves and each other and sometimes fall short.
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