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I am feeling like shit right now. I don't know if I am in a relationship or not. I feel broken right now. I am a guy but still I cry. I feel weak and helpful. There is no one with whom I can share my feelings with.
After a long time I felt I love and was happy, but now it is just shattered. It is only a dream. It was hard for me to love someone so deeply again but history is repeating again. Why do I love so much that it hurts me and feel like begging for love. She said find a nice girl for yourself. This is what my last girlfriend said to me. Am I too good for them.
She is having a hard time to manage things in her life, her home, family, work and she says she is not ready for any relationship. After months of being in relationship she says so. I don't know what to do nor what to say. I am being hurt like hell and she doesn't want me to be in the mess she is into. But I love her.
Now I feel I don't want to make anyone special. From last relationship I knew love is not enough to survive in this world. And now, I ask myself am I giving her too much of love that she cannot handle it.
I feel lonely right now and I am crying. I feel sad and always think about her. I don't know if I should leave her alone and not to bother her again or should I try.
I hate myself for loving too much and getting to deep. Right now I am checking if she would reply me. Now again I wake up at the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep. Is it me only or is it with everyone.
I am checking messenger again if she is online, she is online but... fuck i feel like being ignored right now. She is pushing me away. I feel unloved right now. I hate myself, wish I could die. I don't know what's my threshold, how much I can take. I don't earn much as well. It could have landed a great job but have chosen to do my own work and I and going to be 29 years old next month and I am still not on my feet.
Fuck It's all being gibberish.
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