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Losing my Mother
4 years ago · · Stress,
I get it.. lost your mom big woop.. well.. my mother..Melissa meant the world to me.. She was such an inspiration... told me "good thing you're cute", when i would state a stupid comment... She helped me lived my life.. she was my mother..
Melissa took her life when I was 18 and my brother was 21... We are most definitely her children. Lol my brother to this day calls me more our father than Missy, yet i look just like my mother. Honestly he acts like her... She was a wonderful mother.. Took care of Kaleb and I... gave up her happiness to make us happy... to extent.. drugs were her happiness before all else... more so opiates...I find myself falling into her patterns.
I couldn't bare hurt my brother in my selfish reasons.. Yet I just do not care to be here other than worrying about hurting my loved ones... Sometimes i wish i would just have a heart attack overdosing.. Dont care if people think this is for attention.. Just stating a fact i feel on a semi-daily basis... Not i want to take my life but that i wouldnt care if i was here tomorrow.. but i would care to hurt my brother and grandmother... Some people are impossible to push away... I haven't had access to mental health insurance due to my own faults... after seeing my mother overdose so many times and no health insurance before or after.. i dont know how to cope.. Hearing how someone called their mom for this mundane reason or so... gets to my heart... yet how do you listen to someone losing their best friend and trying everything they can to help yet it mean nothing.. this was a mindless rant yet i miss someone who brought me into this world and my own birthday is torture ..
Youre friend or Foe,