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Dear Virginity, I am okay. I just want some feedback whether this is good or not?
6 years ago · 4 · Rape, +4
1190
Dear Virginity,
I’m sorry.
I am sorry I thought drinking poison would be fun.
It was, it was fun with my trusted best friend in the room,
But she wasn’t the only one there was she?
It was a party, parties involve more people so
I’m sorry I wasn’t responsible.
I didn’t respect you or think about you,
I drank as though I lost you already.
Someone else clearly saw it too.
Not the right person though
I’m sorry I closed the door.
I’m sorry I let poison cloud my judgment
I didn’t stand up for you.
But I did tell him, I told him I didn’t want to lose you yet.
He didn’t care,
But I told him, I promise you.
I told him over and over again.
He told me I’ll be fine, but was I?
My poisoned-self pushed him and rolled over to sleep.
I wasn’t there for you anymore.
My body wasn’t there.
My mind was somewhere else,
Yet it remembers what he did to you and I.
I’m sorry I let you go.
You know I am usually strong,
But he got abusive and scary.
I didn’t know what to do.
I keep telling myself it’s my fault.
I tried, I hope you believe me.
Tell me what I can do to take it back,
I know. I can’t.
I’m sorry I didn’t save you for someone else better.
I did meet that person though
I told him what happened.
He was the first person I told
I was scared, but I knew I trusted him
I don’t know what he thought,
I mean how do you react to that?
I don’t think he understood why I have such insecurities and trust issues?
How could he? He wasn’t there.
He doesn’t know how scary it was.
How scary it was from when the word “no” escaped my mouth.
He didn’t feel my pain.
But it turns out he did when I put my insecurities and feelings of unworthiness above us.
I gave him pain,
The kind I would never want to put on anyone,
I didn’t mean to.
I may have lost you, but I also lost the most important person in my life.
He truly loved me like nobody ever did.
I guess I’m apologizing to you and to the guy who showed me what it’s like to be loved and happy now.
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This was written so well. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I hope you're doing okay.
ReplyHave you told anybody¿ Are you okay¿
ReplyOh my heart goes out to you, it truly does. It's like you reached into my life and pulled the past from me. I hope you're surviving, I know you can.
Forgive yourself. It's not your fault ~CVxox
Reply