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I use "love" in the present tense, because that's exactly what it is. I still love this man. We met at a game night with friends and I couldn't keep my eyes from wandering to his face that entire evening. As the night wore down I scooted over to be next to him and we started talking. We added each other online and decided we would meet up for coffee the next day. Coffee turned into a walk, which then turned into a trip to the mall to walk and peruse. We hung out for three days consecutively, and getting progressively closer. He went home (4 hours away from where I live) and we spent a week apart before a casual conversation about his latest travel plans led him to invite me to go with him. We were away for a week together, spending money I didn't have, we went on a total of one date, and he bought flowers for me while we were shopping for food. The week ended, he took me home, made a terrible first impression on my family, then went home himself. I visited him almost every other week. I took the train twice, and drove my dying car a couple of times, just so I could see him again. He came up at visited me once so we could go hiking. At one point I helped him choose a new cat. Things were moving fast. Everything felt so dreamy. We would hang around ordering take out and playing video games. I met all his friends. He met my closest friends. He started looking for a new job, and when he got accepted for a position half way across the country I started looking at all the logical reasons why I shouldn't go with him. Long distance with a four hour time difference was hard enough. The area he was moving to isn't known for having jobs in my field of expertise. We have different opinions on how important religion is, how to deal with finances, how important it is to plan. This man had become a pillar in my life, but that pillar had cracks in it that I had failed to notice. I talked to my friends and realized their disapproval, I talked to my family about their disapproval, and I thought long and hard about how these differences in faith, etc. could come back to haunt me if I chose to move with him. So I decided to stay, and for a while the thought that I could try long distance was enough to keep me in the relationship. But the second day of his travels he got into an accident and my inability to be there for him when he needed me sent me into a spiral. How could I be there for him when we both respond best to physical presence? Would I be willing to drop hundreds of dollars at a time to go visit? Could I survive off of Skype dates with such a drastic time difference? I knew I couldn't, so I had to break it off. I still love this man who is so different from me, but I know it could never work in the long run.
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