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Today, my heart aches. As I currently sit on my patio, my mind is racing through all the decisions I have made that have brought me to this point. I thought I was doing the right thing - taking a risk in order to save myself. I found a job two states away from everyone and everything I know and love. The job is rewarding and gives me a sense of purpose I had so desperately longed for. But, with it came many sacrifices - emotional, relational, psychological, financial. My life is at the lowest point it has ever been and I am slowly losing everything. My partner of 5 years and I just agreed to end things. This distance is too difficult for both of us. He is already seeing another woman. In fact, he informed me that he has plans with her this evening. The only person I know in the entire state and consider a friend just went home for the holiday to see his family. I cannot afford to go home to see my family. No one has invited me to join them, though many people know I will be spending the holidays alone this year. In my apartment that I cannot afford. With my cat. What little money I have, I get very drunk every night, in my room, alone. I will eventually run out of money and I don't know what I will do come January. I took this job because I wanted to help children escape poverty. But with my family being more and more distant with me, with almost no money, no friends, no one I can talk to, I feel the way I imagine so many of these children feel. It hurts, but I am with them in spirit and solidarity. We will all get through our trying times. We only need a single person to care. I care for all of them dearly. I wonder if anyone cares for me.
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Youre doing the right thing. But the right thing isnt the easiest thing.
Keep working hard and maybe find something on the side to raise money for your expensive apartment or maybe a roommate?
I am with you in my thoughts. Sorry about the heartbreak but its ok you will find someone better suited for u. It hurts but it will pass.
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