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I'm done. I am done.
Done with life.
I'm going to go to the store and buy myself a bottle of sleeping pills. I'm going to say by goodbyes on a letter and break up with my boyfriend. I'm going to open the lid and take all of the pills. Then, I'm going to lay on my bed and wait for the magic to happen.
I've already said it out loud, multiple times. It's going to happen. Soon.
I can see it.
I don't want to kill myself. I just want to die. But it's come to this point where I can't help it anymore. I fantasize about getting cancer or having a meteorite crush my skull.
It's too bad none of that is happening anytime soon. I just want to die a death that I did not directly cause. So I'm going to down those pills and wish everyone an early Merry Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. Too bad I won't exist to be able to celebrate it.
I wish my friends and family wouldn't have to face the grieving over my death. I really wish I hadn't been born. Then, I wouldn't have to cause everyone pain.
In a few days, I'll be gone.
It feels good typing this right now. Hearing the click clack of my fingers on my keyboard. It feels nice knowing I'll die soon. I'm sorry to S.Y..
I just have to bare a bit more pain and get myself to that bottle of pills.
- R.Z.
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ReplyI hope I am not late. Whoever this is I wish the best for you. Just like a heart monitor goes up and down - so does life. This feeling does not and will not last forever. I one time had such a difficult time like really crazy stuff. No one understood. I called a hotline. Told them I was just Lonley and wanted to talk. Like they tried to take my address down and wanted all kinds of info- I took a deep breath and I literally vented like told this person I never met in my life- over the phone everything. My secrets- things I have never told anyone. It was a suicide line. I only ever did it once and wow it is absolutely insane and incredible to talk to someone. They helped me so much and I felt a cinderblock off my shoulders. Call. Iām so serious- call one and just take the weight of the world off those shoulders. I wish a sence of comfort and Peace to you.
ReplyDon't do it. Love yourself!
Reply