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I didn’t comment on your pregnancy pics. Do you want to know why? It’s not because I’m rude. It’s not because I’m uncaring, lack compassion, or that I don’t wish the best for you and your family.
It’s because every month for me, it’s the same thing.
From hopeful to helpless in the time it takes for that first drop of blood to surface. Every month, after a day or two of spotting, I go into full-blown period mode. And it seems that at that same time, I get the added kick-me-when-I’m-down moment of logging onto social media and seeing your smiling face with a ridiculous photo that includes a caption, like “And then there were 5,” “<Insert kid’s name> is going to be a big brother!” or “I can’t believe I’m pregnant!!”
On the last one, I’m not friends with any 10 year olds, so I can’t imagine someone could be stupid enough not to figure out how that works. But unfortunately, that’s where I’m at. Surrounded by people who post their clever Pinterest pictures, act like starting a family is a given, and don’t give people like me a second thought.
Most people don’t know the kind of pain that I go through each month. I am grateful for their sake that they have no idea how I feel, but I hope that if and when God does choose to bless our family with a baby, that I appreciate the gift that I am given. That I don’t just post pictures of my baby bump or daily photos of my adorable baby and ask for advice on things that most people on Facebook probably aren’t even marginally qualified to give advice on. I hope that I take the time to be honest about our struggles to help others, that I can make people feel better instead of worse, and that I can connect with those that feel alone every time they log on, like I have this past year and a half.
Each month, it gets harder. And each month, the blows from family and friends keep coming. And they always will. I just pray for the strength to feel genuinely happy for you while inside, I am heartbroken and devastated for myself.
So if I like your pic, and never comment on it, it’s because I unfollowed it. Don’t take it personally. It’s not you. It’s me.
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I couldn't of connected with this more. It helps to hear that I'm not the only one that dreads opening up facebook to see so many people enjoying their new families or pregnancy whilst I sit here just wishing for ten chance to hold someone of my own that I made. Thank you it helps to hear I'm not alone
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