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I want to kill myself right now. I can’t take this anymore. I want to sleep and never wake up. I’m at the point where I don’t care anymore.
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I don’t really know anymore
I feel trapped. I don’t know what to do. I want to hurt myself, and at the same time also strangle my self with something. I really don’t know. I am too man...
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Trying to find a way
For years I haven't wanted to live anymore my family keeps me going but I have completely given up hope of being able to change. I have been trying to think a...
I want to give you a hug right now and tell you that things will get better. I’ve been there too, at the lowest of lows, but please don’t end your one and only precious life. You are loved and you are worth this life you’ve been given. I believe in you so speak to someone, especially when you’re feeling at your lowest. You’ll look back on this in years to come and everything will be better. Please don’t end your life, you are worth the world
ReplyPlease suicide should never be an option AT ALL. Please life goes on, nothing last forever....if you decide to end with your life, your going to miss the good parts in life, dont say that there's not any good parts, because there are, just find a better escape, find the good parts in the bad parts of this life, because there is only one life, dont end it tomorrow o NEVER, if you decide your done with this, your not going to be remembered....why?, well because there are so many people that commit suicide for common things that happen to people in their life, and I know i cant say this but we all go through it, but not every situations like this, not like everyone, but similar....But please dont do a mistake that everyone else has done......There is always a better future for everyone
ReplySuicide is a quick way out that’ll haunt those around you that love you (which is more people than you think). I’ve been where you are and have felt what you’re feeling. You are not alone. You’re not broken you’re just lost. What you think matters does t matter. You need to find your purpose. Those who have suffered the most have the stories to tell. The stories that can change and help millions of people’s lives. People need you. I need you. I want to hear your story
ReplyLife is a long road. I've cut myself for years and it brought me nothing. I've lived as nothing and felt myself to be nothing. But life can also be precious. I don't know who you are or how old you are. I'm 21 and finishing college. Family is what kept me trapped for years, but it can get better. Strive for a time when you can finally be free. It could be family or it could be school. Just try to live until that moment, then decide what you want to do. I don't want to die, knowing my oppressors would win. Life is a gift, and you shouldn't throw it away when there is a chance out there that it can be better. You deserve life.
ReplyI’m not quite sure whether this is a thought or feeling, but I want to know what death feels like. If it’s just as empty as life, or perhaps holds more substance. I just want to know.
And it’s not because of the kids at school berating me with commentary I’d rather do without, it’s not because I’m tired of being tugged in every direction by people that, when I think about it, I hardly even know.
It’s not because of the sinking lump of misery in my throat when my mom asks me how my day went, and when she tells me how much she loves me. Or when she makes me feel more useless than a dreidel floating in outer space. It’s not because of her never-ending arguments over how to cook the chicken with dad, even though I know it’s not really about the bird. And it’s not because they got a divorce, no.
I’m positive it has nothing to do with how my best friend tried to kill himself, once, twice, thrice, an unlimited amount of times. It’s not because I slowly watched him turn into a dreamless teen consumed by smoking weed, because he quit every hobby he had besides getting high as the stars. It’s not because he is unreasonable beyond comprehension, not because I love him with everything. Not everything I have, just everything. The two are very different.
Not because I allowed myself to be ripped apart and eaten by what others thought of me, not because I let myself fall into a rut too steep to simply crawl out of. Not because I was so obsessed over my image that I would stare and pose in the mirror until i snapped a picture of one that was just the right hair, and just skinny enough, and too perfect for real life. No, not that self-loathing.
It’s not because another one of my friends is more unhappy than a child watching their new puppy get thrown into a woodchipper. Not because of false rumors spreading throughout her entire universe that have made her life a living hell, not because everybody but I has mentally abandoned her.
I am certain that my brother neglecting my existence is not a factor in it either, although it may hurt a little to say hello and goodbye every day without receiving any form of acknowledgement.
It’s not because my depressing playlist that has been on repeat for a week now has been getting me thinking.
I’m sitting in the shower now, music still playing, but faintly, since the gears in my head are churning louder. I’m wondering what meaning life has, if any. And I thought back on how I deleted all social media and entertainment apps on my phone and computer so I could do something that held substance in my life. And I thought it was a good idea. I mean, I still do, even now sitting in the bottom of the shower. But I’ve been thinking about what really makes an impact, and what really sticks with people.
And I honestly couldn’t think of any examples. What’s the point of shoving meals down your throat day after day? To survive? But why do you want that? And I can’t say I want it because life is great, because it’s not. In the big scheme of literally everything, it doesn’t matter. By it I mean anyone, anything. And I know this is ridiculously contradictory, but to me, it feels like this world, my world, maybe other people’s worlds too, is filled to the brim with nothingness.
I feel like I’m not patient enough to wait around and confirm my suspicions that living is more of a void than death. But at the same time, I want to know not only my purpose, but the purpose of life as a whole. Of everything. So I guess I’ll take a seat, get comfy, and put away this knife. Because, after all, why skip out on living and go straight to dying when you can do both after just a little more waiting?
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