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Today I asked myself if I’m embarrassed with how many people have seen me naked. The answer of course was no, I’m not embarrassed. I like sex, I’m good at sex. I’m over weight but I still feel the sexiest in some else’s sheets. My body is nothing to be ashamed and embarrassed about. What’s really embarrassing to me is the lack of personal intimacy we seem to be lacking. I noticed it at an early age, instead of noticing my good grades or the way I loved to read, people noticed my hair and how pretty my eyes are. I get it, that’s the first thing people notice. I mean we have eyes and how can they think anything else if they just met me? But even when people got to know me they never really got to know me. Eveutally I went through puberty and by the time I was twelve I had double F boobs and you would think that those boobs were the only thing I had by the way people talked about them. Guys in school wanted to be with the girl with the giant tits, not the one who was in a spiral depression picking herself up from her own failing home life. Saying things like “don’t you know you’re beautiful” “you have the most amazing eyes” “your body is amazing”. All I could ever do was roll my eyes. Because I always knew those things . Which, I know can come off conceited but I’m confidant . I’ve always been that way. There’s so much more in life to be upset and depressed over than your physical body. You wake up everyday as you so you might as well get used to it. But anyways, not one of those guys ever tried to know that I loved reading, or what makes me laugh, they didn’t know music keeps me going . They didn’t want to know the good and they definitely didn’t want to know the bad. Now that I’m in my twenty’s and have had my fair share of casual sex I can tell you that nobody cares about what’s in my soul. I wish we could dig deeper in peoples lives. That people cared more about the people in their lives. Also causal sex does not make me easy. Just because I’m having causal sex does not mean I’m not opening myself up to more. I always am into one person at a time and I have had my fair share of serious relationships. But the realtionships I look back on I realize that they really didn’t know me well at all. They didn’t try to ask question, or know what’s in my heart and mind. One day someone will know my soul and maybe that’ll make me feel less alone.
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You seem to have a very beautiful soul. Of course someone will recognize it. I did just from this one paragraph you wrote. Beautiful post dude, good job.
ReplyI agree!
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