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So I’m 14, almost 15, and I have anxiety. At least I think I do- I’m anxious the majority of the time, but my parents don’t believe in mental health (not religious, just old-fashioned) so I can’t really tell them. When I was younger, I just assumed I was overly shy and that it’s normal to shake before having to participate in class or talk to lots of people. I haven’t been to a doctor or anything (parents), so it’s just me dealing with it. Only 2 of my close friends know. I just got back from a DECA trip, a 3-day (2 night) long business competition. On both nights, there was a dance. I thought it would be different, I thought it would be great. Then I get there and my friends immediately want to go to the middle. I oblige. Then suddenly I’m squished between 5 strangers, two kids from a different school are making out right next to me, at least theee different butts are touching me, and my foot was stepped on at least 12 times.
Then I started shaking. I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. I pushed and shoved myself out of the crowd and went to get water, but I couldn’t even do that. The two friends that I was with happened to be the two that I didn’t tell about it- I’m scared to because they were raised with the same typical mindset that I was (mental health is “fake” and a “plea for attention”). I’m not sure how they would react. Anyways, I start shaking and it’s 15 minutes before my friends agreed to leave and pick up some dinner then head back to the hotel room. I text my friend that DOES know and she’s trying to calm me down but by then, I could barely breathe or type and I started to feel dizzy and lightheaded and nauseous. I wanted to leave but I was scared that my friends would think that I was insane. They had already told me multiple times to get off of my phone and dance with them. I tried to stick out the next 15 minutes.
Somehow I survived. Then my friend found me and said “I don’t want dinner.” I was starving, but I was NOT going to go alone. I just said ok and told her to go dance. I couldn’t take it anymore- I found her in 2 minutes and told her “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She nodded and went back to dancing. I walked as far as I could back to the room. I took the stairs to avoid people staring in the elevator. I called my friend. The second I got into the room I burst into tears. My friend FaceTimed me. My FitBit said that my heart rate was 148. Looking back at the stats, I can see the exact timing. That was the worst panic attack I had had in a while.
My friend texted me after 10 minutes asking where I was, so I told her I was in the room and lied about why. Of course, then I felt bad about lying. Somehow, I stopped crying and calmed down.
It was awful. The last panic attack i had before that (that was that bad) was a few weeks before, when I had to perform with my orchestra in front of my whole French class. I’m also terrified that the girl in the conjoined room (one of my childhood friends who doesn’t know that I’m like this... we don’t have to talk everyday but we’re still pretty close) heard me crying and spewing all of my emotions and thoughts to my friend on FaceTime.
Thank god that’s over. I just really needed to get that out but didn’t find time until now (19 hours after the panic attack)
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Anxiety attacks will make you feel like you're dying, but you won't. Learn to talk yourself through it, reminding yourself that you are safe (even though it doesn't feel like it) and that you can breathe (even though it doesn't feel like it). Just work to breathe evenly, in through the nose and out through the mouth, nice and slow. You're going to be ok.
ReplyI know how you feel. I at times have had panic attacks that make me feel like im going insane. My parents also believe that mental illness isnt important. They say its something you could easily get over, buts its not like that at all. Its an every day and its hard. Not only hard to live with it everyday and be afraid of getting a panic attack at any moment, but it makes it even harder when you feel like you cant tell anybody because they think its an attention act. Only i person knows about my anxiety problem and any time I have an anxiety attack he helps me through it. Its good to have someone who you cant talk to and someone who will help you. Stay strong and keep fighting because you will make it through!
ReplyI'm sorry this has happened to you, I wish I could help you somehow, I have anxiety too but never to the point of experiencing a panic attack, I just sweat excessively and feel my hands shaking and my mind going completely blank, making me look like a total idiot.
for my case, I tried so many times to get out of my comfort zone and do things I would usually avoid, and that seriously helped me, I think the key is acknowledging the fact that it's you who gets to call the shots, so instead of waiting until your friends force you on something that would trigger your anxiety, you go for it instead, just go at it, don't give your mind the chance to analyze the situation and convince you otherwise. anyway that's just what worked for me, i never had a panic attack tho so.. I just hope you get better! I really do! best of luuuuck
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