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I feel lonely and isolated. I feel like I have to wear the costume of a confident, independent and detached person. It is my job to demonstrate balance to my students, to teach and improve them and I feel like an imposter. I feel anxiety--trapped in this town and worried that I will not be able to leave.
I am deeply disappointed when people don't live up to their word and am overwhelmed in course-correcting my plans in the wake of their choices.
When I reached out to you, you lashed out and criticized my weakness. I knew you were not available to talk or offer emotional support. It hurt and angered me. I need your emotional support and I feel like it is your responsibility to me. If you do not want to be available to me, don't answer the phone. If you do not want to provide me with support, leave. When you just "show up" to tell me to stop bothering you, it angers me. When you say you've had long day and you are tired, I hear you minimize my daily challenges and exhaustion.
Who can I air my grievances to? Where can I find the recognition that motivates forward action? Why do I put my sense of security into the hands of others? How can I be my own emotional support?
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I'm sorry you're hurting. It can really suck to be perceived as the strong one who needs no help, and has no one to offer help. I'm in that boat too. Recognition? I've learned to recognize my own contributions and be my own motivating force - it's no one else's job to provide that (although sometimes it sure would be nice to have someone else tell you that you're doing something good). It's never good to have your sense of security in someone else's hands - it can be too easily taken away. Build your own sense of security. The one that I find hardest is the lack of emotional support.
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