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I would like to say it is because they are scared and controlled in every aspect.
It isn’t.
It is because we as a society do not acknowledge the woman's right to be safe.
It is because society doesn’t care.
She stays because United States Law supports her abuser.
I know this because it could take them months to get him out of the house she owns.
.I know this because all of the suggestions online from an attorney in any state says she has to go out of her way and use landlord-tenant laws even though he is quite literally an invader. She has to change her life and have an escape plan and teach her children the escape plan. She has to possibly change jobs because he will show up at work and since it isn't physical violence it is not enough. She has to hide everything, but she cannot get him out faster without a restraining order. She has to be physically hurt to get him out and then she has to deal with DCF scrutinizing her life rather than his.
I realize it is a touchy subject and it could destroy his life if rumors are allowed to be spread.
There is so much evidence online if you do not believe me. The woman is ashamed because people will look down on her. They will judge her and say things about her character and how she allowed that and so many things. There are no laws to protect her rights to be safe from slander, so why are there a lack of laws that puts his above hers?
All lawmakers, lawyers, and especially judges should be ashamed of themselves.
The fact that the woman has no protection from slander is in itself proof that the law is supportive of men rights above women and that women are less than.
This is unacceptable and must be changed.
I am not suggesting he be allowed to be out in jail or anything else without proof. If he will not leave when asked and refuses to leave that alone is control and abuse.
A refusal to acknowledge that someone else says to leave their home is abuse through inaction. They are saying that they can do whatever they want to do. Because they know that she has no protection from the laws, the abuser knows he has more rights, that she will have to move to feel safe.
She will have to deal with DCF if she calls the cops. She will most likely lose her job if he hasn’t cost her that already. She will have to find somewhere else to stay for months to avoid verbal harassment and slander. She has to drastically change her life to prevent abuse, but he does not.
He will have to move anyway. He knows this. But he can use his laws that support only him to abuse her more before he goes and that gives him more time to take his petty grievances and dissatisfaction with life out on her.
There could be a process that doesn’t demand physical abuse. That is usually the next step that she was trying to prevent. You made her the victim, she was actually trying to get the abuser away before that. She looked at her options, and there were no realistic laws that support her right for things to remain the same. Only his.
She has to wait and make all these ridiculous plans and make her children do get away drills and pack a bag and cover her tracks and check for monitoring apps on her phone and hidden cameras and microphones and also parent her children and keep her job and move out of her own home possibly for months and embarrass herself in society and to her friends and to her family and she is the one who is not significant enough because America hates women, and that is just who we are.
If that is not what you are trying to say, well you failed. She stayed because you told her the needs of herself and her child/children do not matter enough to be protected by law. Only his.
This one is on you Lawmakers, Lawyers, Judges, and Society. Absolutely ALL OF IT.
There is no need to create criminal charges that have severe consequences.
Just laws that make him move out faster than several months while she has to jump through hoops to be safe. If he refuses to leave it is abuse. He is saying her wants and needs as a person are irrelevant and he is all that matters and the United States of America said he was right.
The laws are abusive.
They are cruel and inhumane.
She waits to plan because that is what she has the right to do. Not because she isn’t secure, quite the opposite. Not because she isn’t smart. It is the opposite. It is undoubtedly not because she chose to. For some yes, but not the ones I am talking about. It is their home. Not his.
She is smart enough to know he has all the protection and she wants all that crazy shit you told her to do is going to need to be planned out.
That dialogue tells her she does not matter.
If we want to change abuse, we stop advocating it through our laws.
We allow victims to get the abusers out of their home faster without this ridiculousness. Criminal charges are not needed. I guarantee if you enable her to remove the abuser more quickly, he will get out without all that entitlement. Because all he cares about is him.
He is using the laws to stay because they support him. If they did not, he would leave. He would not risk himself being made to look bad in front of everyone else.
You shame her.
He uses that.
If you quit shaming victims, he loses his power to do it.
If you think I am being too harsh look it up and see what it takes. I understand you are concerned that she will abuse the laws if in her favor. I must ask, why do you think the question wasn't, "Why is there so much room for an abuser to use the laws to enact abuse?"
It is probably the same reason that the question: "Why does she stay?' should have been, "Why do we allow him to stay and abuse, and allow the laws to put her through all that?'
There is so much room for an abuser to take advantage of the laws. So why is that the same reason that there are none to protect the victim? If he can take advantage of the laws and specifically use them to make her go through all that ridiculousness why can she not have better protection under the law?
I am specifically speaking of victims who own a home that the abuser is living in. They should have more rights and we could stop victim shaming as a society. I am not suggesting allowing criminal action. I am suggesting having another option that allows the victim in such a situation to get an abuser out of their home. A faster eviction time through the use of proof of their income and affordability to them.
The abuser is not staying because they cannot financially move. They are staying because their rights are protected under the law and not hers. The victim will be shamed and the abuser will not. I am suggesting we empower victims of abuse. That we do it before they start doing it physically.
I know that the abuser will choose to move if he isn't given more rights than his victim anymore. He is not in need of a place to stay. He is using the laws to subject her to more trauma and stress. Let's start standing up for the victim's rights to be free from the abuse that is supported by law. That we love and respect them.
Why should an abuser have more rights to live in your own home than you do?
This statement to women and victims, in general, is absurd. Let us change our dialogue. What we say matters and we are being cruel.
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