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Dear Jon, when you asked me, if I'd give you a divorce, my whole system went into shock. You ripped my heart out and shattered it into a million pieces. I wanted to lie down and die and not go on living. I loved my life with you. I was very happy. We had so many good times (in my head). I always felt safe with you and you were my best friend. I loved living in our house in the woods, where I could smell the ocean and it was so peaceful. I loved our long hikes and bike rides. I loved going to concerts and out to eat. We stayed together for several months, and I has happily in denial, though we were going through with all the paperwork. When we packed up my things for me to move, I was still semi in denial, but when we got to my new place, where my family was waiting, I was completely devastated. I knew the life I'd loved was over and the husband I'd so loved was gone. I hated my new life. It was a dark shade of grey. I couldn't feel happy. I tried to put on a happy face, but I was dying inside. Nothing in my new life made me happy. I kept moving around and I couldn't find the happiness I had with you. I missed you for so long. I missed my life with you with intensity. Everything was so painful. I thought life would never be good again. I couldn't see happiness in my future. I'd never been an unhappy type person. Life, slowly became less painful. I started to have happy moments, mixed with grief and sadness. I eventually got a life that I loved again, but nothing ever compared to the life I had with you. But looking back, you were bad for me, always making backhanded remarks and mentally abusing me. You couldn't love me as I was and I didn't want to change who I am.
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