TTSWCML

To The Supervisor Who Changed My Life.

This time last year the butterflies that had been flying around my stomach since I had begun my search for a second year college internship were uncontrollably flying around my stomach. The term nerves was such an understatement. I did not feel prepared. I did not feel that I could be the type of person the women that I was going to be working with needed. To give some back story, I was going to be completing an unpaid internship eight hours a day, three days a week, for eight months straight. I was going to be completing this internship at a home for young, pregnant or post pregnant homeless women. I was about to begin a journey that I did not feel I could do well in. To make the nerves even more provoking, even if we attended this internship every day, even if we put in the hours, if our learning goals were not met, and if our assigned supervisor did not score us a certain percentage on those goals we would fail both the internship class, and the internship itself. With the thought of failing paralyzing me with fear, a fear right on up there with failing began to overtake my thoughts - What if my supervisor does not like me? What if she doesn’t pass me? What if I don’t do well the whole year? What if it is too hard? What if I don’t understand the tasks she gives me? What would my supervisor be like?

My supervisor, became one of greatest people I have ever had in my life. My supervisor, certainly did pass me. My supervisor, instilled faith in me that allowed me to do well. My supervisor, was the person I could run to when situations got too hard to handle on my own. My supervisor believed in me, and because of her belief in me, I slowly began to believe in myself too. More often than not, I did not understand a task I was given, but she was always readily available to help - if I was confused, or if I did not understand, or if I was uncomfortable to do something, she would walk me through it. And if I was completely uncomfortable, she would assign the task to someone else. That did not happen often though, not because she could not find anyone else to do the task, but because I did not want her to. I wanted to do it, to do well for not me, but for her. My supervisor was extraordinary, she was one in a million. This was the supervisor who changed my life.

“I put people over papers” - this was my supervisors philosophy. Meaning that no matter how high the documents in need of updating, and filing were stacked, if a resident came into her office, their question, comment, concern, or statement came first. This meant that if one of the moms did not have child care access for her child to attend an appointment, to attend a workshop, my supervisor would leave her desk for that hour, those hours, or that day to care for the child. Being a mom herself, her ability to connect with a child who was five days old, or five years old was a mesmerizing sight to see.

And you see this philosophy did not only apply to the residents, but to anyone who entered the home. Whether a volunteer who ran story time on Friday’s had arrived early and had time to use, she would follow the stairs to our supervisors office, who even on the coldest, and darkest winter days could light up the entire room with her warm, glowing smile. Up from her computer, and keyboard my supervisor would engage in conversation with that volunteer. Or sometimes if former student interns came to visit, their first question upon entering the house was “IS (lets call her A) A HERE”? And like they were being chased, bolting up the stairs they would go to reunite with the person who like many of us, impacted their life so very much. She would offer whoever came to stand in her doorway at the very moment to sit, and engage in conversation. The email she had been typing, the thought she was logging in the log book, the phone call she was writing in her notebook, all got placed on top of her printer, and whoever it be that needed her at that moment got her full attention.

I too was no stranger to her office. I spent majority of the 567 hours I needed to complete in her office, however I hadn’t initially started out like this. Beginning my internship I would only ever sheepishly go up to her office to drop my backpack, to grab my lunch, or to sign out at the end of the day. Well, except for Friday’s… which came to be my favourite day out of the three I spent at the house.

Friday’s was the day myself and the other student declared our time for our mandatory half an hour supervision as per the requirements of our college. This was the time where it was just us with our supervisor, two on one, and on occasion one on one time to reflect on the past week.

I could never fathom why my group of friends resented supervision time as much as they did - because it was my favourite thirty minutes a week. I loved being able to hear my supervisors insight on the importance of building, and continuously working on a positive rapport with the girls. I loved hearing about her stories, and experiences when she was in our shoes as a student intern as well. I could have sat in her office, and listened to her share her many words of wisdom for the entire duration of my internship, and as days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months I certainly did. I am so grateful to have connected with my supervisor as well as I did, to tell you the truth very early in to my internship, I would say about a month in, I felt at such an ease being around her, and I trusted talking to her. A month may not seem early to some, but for someone like me who has her walls built up so high around her, and who trusts very, very little, a month is very early. For me, it takes an extended period of time for me to open up to anyone, and trust is a whole different story. One month, is all it took for me to see the pure, the sincere, the compassion, that my supervisor radiated. My favourite room to be in became her office, I found any excuse to go up there, and engage in conversation with her, being in her presence was such an honour - and I could not count on one hand the amount of laughs, memories, and tears, I have laughed, shared, and wept in that office - but they were the moments I never took for granted, and they were the moments that I will remember for the rest of my life.

It’s ironic, one of the purposes of completing that internship was to be an assistance and a support to those ladies, who were enduring things from their past, their present, and preparing to endure for their future. On one hand I was doing my best to provide those three things, and on the other hand I was receiving both assistance and support from someone in that house too - from my supervisor.

I owe so much more to her than she could ever realize.

For the times she spent listening to me as I bounced from sharing happy memories, to tragic memories - I owe her that time.

For the times she spent trusting me to share the experiences she went through that were similar, or the same as to what I too was experiencing - I owe her that trust.

For the times she spent advising me on how to handle certain situations both in the home, and out of the home. When I wanted to throw my hands in the air and walk away from those situations, she showed me how to handle them, took my hand, and led me back to address it - I owe her that advice.

For the times she spent guiding me on how to handle life, and the lives in the house to how to handle life, and lives outside of the house - in school, at work, in life in general - I owe her that guidance.

For the times she spent acknowledging me, and acknowledging the work I was trying my best to put in. For allowing me to feel I had done something worth recognizing, even if to others it was such a small feat, and no big deal to even look twice at, she made it worth recognizing - I owe her that praise.

For the times she sat and watched the videos I had made goofing off at school the days prior. For the times she sat and listened to me sob in her office, on my feelings, my friendships, my present, or my future.

For the times she allowed me to just sit in her office and just talk, most of the time I had no idea where the conversation I was starting was going to end up, but she just listened, and often my conversations led to stories, and even more often my stories sparked her stories, and even though I had jobs to be doing downstairs, and she had jobs to be doing upstairs, we sat exchanging those stories. And I tell you I will cherish those moments for the rest of my life.

Time went on, school came to an end, my counselling came to an end, my internship came to an end, three things that truly shaped me in to who I am right now were all ending in the same week, and that week the forecast certainly did call for tears. Each of these chapters in my book closing were extremely difficult in their own way. But I knew I would be back in school come the fall, with the greatest friendships I have ever made in my life, with the greatest educators I have ever had. I knew the phone number for the counselling office, and I could say my counsellors extension off by heart, I knew I could go back if I felt I needed to. But my internship ending hit harder than I could have ever thought and this too for a number of reasons, I would have to say goodbye to the babies, and the girls I have watched flourish from newborns, and new moms, to real individual little humans, and matured young women. I would have to say goodbye to the routines I became so accustomed to for eight months straight. I would have to say goodbye to the friendships I have created with the former intern students, who have become some of my best friends. I would have to say goodbye to the relationships I have made with the volunteers who routinely came to the house, to the staff who have worked in the house since I began, and yes, specifically my supervisor.

Or so I thought,

Long story also short, I was offered the opportunity to come back to volunteer at my internship once a week. And as grateful I was for this opportunity, I was also a little bit nervous at going back on my own without the friendships I had made… as well, I had been saved from a long goodbye, but I did know summer would eventually come to an end, and between being back in school, starting my new internship, and continuing on with working, going back to visit my internship would only realistically happen over extended breaks from school, and any day I finished class early and did not have to rush to work. In other words, visits would be happening only once a month. But I was not going to let the fear of me eventually having to say goodbye overcome the happiness I felt about going back - summer had just begun.

Well, I am writing this part specifically August 23, and summer is most certainly ending, you can feel the coolness in the air, you can see all of the back to school commercials airing on tv. Police Checks have been applied for, timetables have been posted, were a little over a week until show time. August 30, will be my last day of placement for the longest period of time I have had to go without it. This summer, I blinked and it was over. But I got to experience so much, and I was able to relearn what it meant to live - which was certainly the highlight. I was unable to volunteer for three weeks straight due to family being in town, as well as being away in Europe. This past week I also was unable to go due to scheduled doctors appointments, and trying to get as many shifts in for work as I can to pay for all the expenses being a student costs you. In one week from today my final goodbyes will have been said.

And I know the hardest one I am going to have to give, the one I am most distraught about is to my supervisor - and I know that like everyone (the very small circle of people I trust) has been trying to sympathize with me by saying “it’s not a goodbye, it’s a see you later”, but you see it really is a goodbye, who nows when see you later will be? What happens if the day I am able to go my supervisor is not there? What happens if the day I am able to go she is out of the house? To some this would not rattle them up as much as it does me, but these are the thoughts zigzagging around my head. How do you go from seeing someone as important as my supervisor three days a week, one day a week, to once or once every other month?

“You can keep in touch with her through calling, or messaging”. And trust me when I say, I have certainly done this, so often in fact you know when you slide to the end of your iPhone, and it prompts you with “send a message to…” and it is your most frequent contact? MINE IS HER. And she is truly such a saint, because out of the hundreds of times I have text her, there has only ever been one time that she did not respond, one. And I text her multiple times through any given day, each and every week. And I know part of me always will, as I continue on through life I am sure it won’t be as often, I tell you it won’t be as frequent once I say goodbye. For one reason only and that is because it would not be fair to her. Day to day she truly never has a second to herself, she is absolutely everyone’s go to girl - she has certainly been mine. I think it is time she gets a break from the person who took up majority of her time. Not to mention, I don’t want to risk sending her a text if she is on a phone call, in a meeting, talking to her family, a resident, another student, a volunteer, the list of all of those who enjoy talking to her goes on. I won’t be around often enough to know “ on Monday she is in training all day, on Wednesday she is in three meetings, or on Friday she has to take three girls to three separate appointments”, I won’t know any of this. But on special occasions, when I have the greatest news to share, when something reminds me of her, she will certainly be the first person to tell. And I look forward to the days I text her to let her know that I got accepted in to University, that I graduated college, that I got a job in my field, that I got engaged (unless I become a nun), that I am getting married (also unless I become a nun), life is unpredictable - that is what makes it so magical. And as I continue on this journey, each and every stop I pass on my path, good and bad, I will be letting her know about each and every one.

I have now reached the end of this path, the path that introduced me to one of the most valued person I have ever had in my my life. To say I am upset to be saying goodbye would be an understatement, but I have a years worth of advice, conversations, laughs, lessons, memories, stories, and so much more to think back on when I could use a laugh, when I am feeling sad, when I could use a smile. She brought an abundance of happiness to my life, I relearned what it meant to laugh out loud every time I was around her. I relearned what it meant to be giddy with excitement as I went crawling up the stairs, and on my hands and knees crawling left into her office to tell her something. I will miss her and all that she brought with her in my life more than anyone, especially her could ever understand.

Thank you for showing me these things. Thank you for being available to wipe a tear. Thank you for being available to listen to a story. Thank you for accepting me for who I came in as. Thank you for taking part in shaping me into who I am now. Thank you having patience with me as I came out of my shell. Thank you for working so hard to build me up, after all the times I had been broken down. Thank you for the conversations we shared in your car on the way to do groceries. Thank you for always letting me come in your car each and every time we were going on an outing. Thank you for making me laugh with your hilarious stories. Thank you for letting me hide those hideous Christmas dolls all around your office. Thank you for always making sure I knew if there was dessert in the house. Thank you for always letting me crawl my way into your office, and talk your ear off. Thank you for laughing at my obnoxious stories (still don’t have my hamster). Thank you for sharing your hilarious stories with me. Thank you for the car rides to Starbucks on a rainy, or snowy day. Thank you for the car rides to Starbucks when it was a sunny day too. Thank you for showing me that bad days were not forever, and that tomorrow is always a new day. Thank you for being one of the greatest influence a girl like me could ever look up to. Thank you for being a friend, a parental figure, a role model, all in one. Thank you for changing my life.

There will not be a day that passes that I do not wish I was crawling up the stairs into your office to come and see you, but I look forward to the day where I am able to come back to do that.

I have come to learn in life, you say goodbye more often than you say hello. But this is the hardest goodbye I have had to give.

Goodbye A,

Thank you for being the supervisor that changed my life.

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