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I told myself not to get carried away. And I find myself gleefully running down that wayward path despite my misgivings, despite my worry (that I told myself I was letting go of), despite the thoughts in my head that tell me the opposite of what my heart wants.
Why is it so hard for me to keep a level head around this guy? I'm not normally this stupid and naive. I am expecting things that I can't truly expect from anyone. And I am finding myself let down when those expectations are not met. I NEED TO GET A GRIP. He never promised me a damn thing. He has never even said words indicating he wants anything. He put the ball in my court and left. And I'm not mad about it but I think we've both been so hurt in the past that both of us are afraid to show any kind of vulnerability. Him especially. I've told him my feelings. He just hasn't returned any. I just don't want to get into this just to find out I'm nothing more than a means to fill some space and time in his life until something better comes along. It will kill me. Or not. I'll just wish it did. How do I show him I want to see him? How did I show him I'm eager, not desperate? Because I'm not. Even if I appear to be. I was willing to walk away and almost did. And if this damaged communication keeps continuing I will end it. For both our sakes.
I need to get a grip. Not be sad about stupid things. Perhaps try not to care so damn much. Ha. Carry on with the other things in my life.
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