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My dad has his many moods. He's acting like rabid dog. You cannot speak to him for him acting like he's gotta giant stick up his ass...that's the truth too. I've saw him this way before...mad at the world. I'm tired of being made miserable and to suffer just because he is. He's beyond MISERABLE and selfish...once someone makes him mad it's the end of the world....like today one of his acquaintances rudely brushed him off. But it's ok for him to treat me like garbage. Hypocrisy alert. No excuse for that. Don't give a fuck what mental bullshit you've been. Diagnosed with you can still control how you treat others. The only legit thing I believe is he has borderline personality...rest of it was faked by a crooked psychiatrist that said "I'm for the working man getting help" ....to get him disability at age 28 faking autism. I only know this because he told me that out of his own mouthsnd read his disability papers afterwards he partied it up on pills. Ironically that guy's wife got cancer so he shot himself. Guess no psychiatric help can help grief and loss.
Anyway fast forward alot of years later ...not only ruining my childhood getting drunk out of it on meds...which was common for the group he knew ran around with. Well now he can't stand the the fact he ruined not only his lifebut intruded on my own life as well fucked it up ands not much use to him anymore. He's acted like this before. Ok before it was blah blah blah you're not contributing to the house ...the car was broke whatd you expect... so I am now... and nothing's changed. his hell and misery are still being taken out on me and mom. Despite him having a stroke. He keeps hinting shit like "could be worse" " could be homeless in a car" yeah? That's what I delivered him from years ago. He truly needs a padded room too more than myself . I don't bother anybody. I also don't deserve this I was too good to him when I actually did have a big bank account... before he drained it with his giant drug habit and played me. No child ever deserves that. Then to be beaten on top of that. I wish I had the money to get out of this hellhole but I don't currently. Thankfully if I can survive a year were being forced out of here and since he is here illegally hell have to go somewhere else...i hope. I may go ahead with a suicide attempt. Nothing much really matters anymore. At least the dead don't have to deal with a rabid monster on a daily basis having their misery projected on them. I wish I had other relatives friends etc to call on but sadly I don't. It's always help me but πto me if I need anything from anyone in life from family. my relatives are so selfish using and hypocritical anyway there's no point (minus a couple not here) . Even the local mental health place is a long wait to get in. I mean really all I ever did was help others in life. sometimes others need it too ya know? Not condescending bullcrap. Being torn down looked upon as nothing garbage etc. I mean don't think I'm not grateful for all my blessings cuz I am. I know it could be worse. But I don't have to be put through hell on a daily basis. I mean fine go ahead fucking commit me . Much better than this hellhole. I'm not on drugs or anything I'm just tired being treated so bad.
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