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A Letter to My Rapist
7 years ago · Explicit
48146
To my rapist,
After a great time at the Rye High School senior prom, I went to after prom with the majority of our class. As you know, it took place at a restaurant in Rye Brook. My date didn"t go to after prom, so I went with my best friends and their dates instead. The majority of people consumed alcohol before and were intoxicated to different degrees. I was tipsy, not drunk. My memory is more than one hundred percent clear about what happened that night.
At after prom, I asked the bouncer if I could step outside to make a phone call. He told me to be quick because we weren"t supposed to leave and come back in. As I was calling, I took a few steps to the left of the entrance. You came out behind me and started talking to me, so I hung up the phone. You took me by the hand and led me more to the left. On the side of the restaurant, there was an alley way with two large dumpsters. You turned the corner that led into the alley but didn"t walk far down it. You kissed me against the cement wall. While I was confused as to why you were doing this, I didn"t think much of it. Then you took my hand and brought me farther down the alley. At that point, I told you I wanted to go back inside and that my two best friends were going to leave soon. You pulled me down the alley and turned behind the last dumpster. I could feel my heart race and get heavy. You started to kiss me again and tried to put your hand up my dress. I was wearing gray Nike spandex and told you I was on my period. You told me "I don"t care, I"ve done it before with a girl on her period. You just wear a condom." I told you I cared and thought it was gross. You pulled my spandex down and while I was trying to pull them up, you yanked out my tampon and threw it. I told you to stop and said "no" repeatedly. You forced me on the ground and started penetrating me. I couldn"t look at you or move, my mouth could only say continuously, without a break, stop and no. I realized I had my phone and tried to text for help but you threw it and cracked the screen. You got up and pulled me farther down the alley, to the left. Now we were behind the buildings in the shopping center, not just next to the restaurant. You pushed my face and the front of my body into the cement wall and started penetrating me again from behind. I was now begging for you to stop. When you finally did, you pushed me to my knees and tried to cum in my mouth. I refused to swallow and kept wiping my mouth. Immediately after you finished, you pulled your pants up and said "I have to get home, my brother is looking for me." You walked away, leaving me sitting on the ground tearing up.
You know you raped me. You know I said "no" and "stop" repeatedly. There is no doubt in my mind that you know what you did. But you don"t know what happened after you left. As I walked out of the alley, two people found me and brought me home after I calmed down a little. They knew I had been assaulted but didn"t know exactly what happened. They asked if I wanted to go to the hospital or call the police but I was still frozen. I just wanted to go home. I told my therapist almost immediately and then told both my parents. I was so torn about what to do. I met with a lawyer and she gave me options but I was terrified and in shock. All I knew was I was not going to let this destroy me. I had plans to travel and volunteer overseas and didn"t want this to put my dreams on hold. The reason I decided not to take legal action was because of the effects it can have on the victim"s life. Look at the girl from Stanford, her life was put on hold and she was ripped apart at trial. I was not going to let you take anything else from me. However, I could not continue without doing anything at all. I"m writing this letter to you because I know you will eventually read it at some point. You committed a horrific and degrading crime. I pray that you get help some day and never do this to anyone else.
To the community,
It has taken me one year to tell my story and to learn how to talk about it. I won"t be silenced anymore. Most rape victims are silenced when a horrible crime has been committed against them. I learned that the person who raped me had assaulted two other girls before me while at Rye. It escalated to rape in my case and it terrifies me to think I might not be his only victim. I have promised myself that if I hear any word of my perpetrator assaulting another person, I will go to the authorities. I have a lot of time left for which I am allowed to press charges.
What happened to me doesn"t just affect me, it is extremely hard for my brother. He sang in a school group with my rapist and we graduated alongside him. It was hard for the two people that brought me home, they wished they found me earlier they said. And of course my parents felt awful. Imagine telling your dad, "I was raped" and "The guy ripped out my tampon." I"m sure some people reading this are wondering, why didn"t you kick him in the balls? or why didn"t you scream? Instead, your question should be, why did he rape me? Why did me CONSTANTLY saying "no" and "stop" not matter?
Girls shouldn"t have to make up excuses about why they don"t want to get with a guy. "My friends are about to leave" or "I"m on my period" or "I have a boyfriend" or "I"m lesbian." My "excuse" of being on my period and my friends leaving happened to be true. But I"ve witnessed way too many incidences where girls make up excuses as to why they don"t want to get with a guy. A simple "no" or "not this time" should suffice. Another issue is what qualifies as assault. A boyfriend or girlfriend can assault their partner, even if they have had sex before. I know a boy who was sexually assaulted by his ex-girlfriend while he was unconscious. It doesn"t matter who you are, it can happen to anyone. I firmly believe that verbal consent should be given; silence is not consent. Sexual assault is a problem in EVERY community. It is a problem in Rye, just like everywhere else. It needs to be addressed. Believe me, I understand that this is difficult to talk about. However, it is something that needs to be talked about which is why I"m sharing my story. The statistics for sexual assault are unbelievably concerning. One out of four women will be assaulted before graduating college. This needs to stop. Now. I hope some people can find strength through my story. You are not alone.
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