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1 year ago · Thoughts, · Explicit
So basically this day was shot to the pits before it even began for me. I haven't slept. I can't get my pulse to calm down even despite deep breathing and calming music. Panic attack or no idk. I haven't had a full blown one in a long time.
Fighting with my dad trying to use and guilt trip me for my medication this morning didn't help none. Mom is backing dads side as well despite knowing what a drunken addict he is. And how he has yelled and cussed us.
I can't help it. Thru don't seem to care if they cause me a heart sttack or not the stress anxiety has been unbearable this month since Thanksgiving because of dad and partly mom. No I can't away from here that's the problem.
My relatives they know he's addicted to said drug and abuses it. but my aunt blocked me on Facebook messenger and my cell phone number JUST FOR TELLING HER ABOUT MY SITUATION. She don't care to call us however and go on and on about her issues. But me? I get the 🖕from her. And she claims to be a Christian too. I can't judge her but her actions speak for themselves.
I heard dad say his blood pressure is way high. 160 over 70 maybe.
But that's not my fault. He knows consequences of abusing and running out of this medicine/drug. But mom's like yesterday "just as long as you give him a little bit every so often". AS IF SHE THINKS SHE CAN BOSS ME WITH MY OWN MEDICATION.
Look dad had his big week long drunk now wants me to pay for his consequences. He started an argument I had to walk away he still yelled out shit at me trying to manipulate me. Saying that's a hell of a way to treat somebody. Etc etc etc at 5 am the argument was at 4 am. I merely walked In there to show pity because he was coughing so bad that's what I get in return. So.
My situation is more complex than the details I've made know too. Its not an easy fix. Why do I have to live in a living hell? . Do you really think I wanna run out of my meds? No. I told dad the truth he can't take it. He really thought he was gonna leech off mine. So idk im lost about to give up.
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