Thoughts

So I suppose its the start of another raging drunken cycle for my dad since hes been off to get another quantity of drugs from his dealer. I don't know what to expect but every other month is the same. Only he's getting worse in aggressive behavior by the month. If he showed any self control he's got a chance. Otherwise its just going to be a repeat. Im not looking forward to it I can tell you that. I mentioned earlier before he left "you're like a monster out of hell in that shape". he quickly shushed me because he can't handle the truth.

Funny thing his dealer called a few nights ago or he called them. They were sort of drunk on alcohol dad said he felt like cussing them out.

Yeah? HOW THE F**K DO YOU THINK WE FEEL WHEN YOURE A MEAN CUSSY B!TCHING NAME CALLING TROUBLE STARTING DRUNK? OH BUT ITS OK HE MAGICALLY DON'T REMEMBER NONE OF WHAT HE DOES AND DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF IT EITHER NOR WILL HE APOLOGIZE. YET MOM STILL DEFENDS HIM AND WON'T TOSS HIS MEAN AGGRESSIVE SORRY ASS OUT. I mean when somebody literally threatens your life or says they don't care if you have a heart attack or not HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT THEM?!!

Yesterday mom and him both had to come to me wanting me to give him more of my meds than I already have been which hasn't been much cuz well I DON'T GET ENOUGH FOR 2 people, but he thought he was gonna have a heart attack himself he said. Why don't he ever remember what he goes through before he starts a stupid binge!? Idk nobody can control him and he don't control himself is the problem. He turns into Mr Hyde. And stays that way til they are all gone.

I just don't wanna hear his mean raging cussing mouth again its bad enough when he isn't drunk. Putting us down wishing our place to burn down its making mom and I crazy yet she wont toss him out. And sometimes they somehow try to blame me for what he does on me. How the hell am I to blame for him abusing drugs? Do I force them down his throat lol no obviously not. Sigh smh 😔😞

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