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Viva1
V, which last letter that u saw V?
Is it this one?
"V, I remember that day, when I was lonely, when he treated me badly, when I feel I have nobody loving me, you were there for me, every day, even if u said that I was just being dellusional, I felt you comforting me, you warmed my heart, you made me smile again, and I didn't feel lonely because at least you were there listened to me, you are so kind. That time even though you knew it was wrong, you still want to give me your time, your attention, you care for me, that was the happiest days I felt after a long time being in depression. Words can not repay your kindness to me. I want to pay it back to you., ..."
I thought u didn't see it V, hwhwhw, š¤š©·
V, thank you for writing this letter for me.
And thank you for asking me to reply your letter.
I thought you wanted me to just read it and forget or pretend you didn't say anything, because you used different situation and different timeline.
But after you asked for a reply now I know that you really want me to know that it was really u who wrote that and also mean u dont want me to forget or pretend you didn't write any letter for me.
I'm sorry I just reply it now, I didn't prepared.
V, let me correct what seems to be a misunderstanding, so I am afraid if this letter will be sound kind of a little bit serious vibe
So that "S_ga_" song for me is just a compliment about how sexy I am? I thought you were telling me things exactly like the lyrics V, I thought u were "begging me" to see u. My heart was thumping hard that night, how embarassing Vš¤ u should chosen a more resonating Song Lyrics V.. wkwkwk
I sometimes take things too seriously, even to a Song Lyrics, that was my mistake.
As I said, I live separated with him for the second time (the 1st is in August for several weeks), since the day I thought I was going into the police station - until 2 days after I wrote a Pink letter for you, which I said about "jogging" one. What a big embarassing problem just because of my "take words too seriously" naive mind, wkwkwk..
And then, about the next month, I think you misunderstood V, remember how I asked you this question, I asked : "I am sure that all you said, except for you having a GF, all is a lie right V, I'm sure all is a lie right?"
Did you mean this sentence? Hehe. What I really mean by that was, even if u said u already have a girlfriend, I hope that you lie about other things that you said to him; that you wanted me to leave your life forever, that if I go to your place/ clinic, I won't be accepted anymore, that all just lie right?
I was wondering is that really what you said to him, are you just lying to hide things or do you really mean it, if you really said it, is that mean you don't want to see me again, that is my thought at that time hehehe
And V, about you thought that I would give you utter disgust, I think u saw what face I gave to a friend of yours at your workplace, this is a karma I get to give somebody that face that u had to see that. I am so embarrased because you had to see that hiks, can you erased that from your mind please? š„ŗ
But V, you know how much I want you, how can I give that look to a dream man like you, when I said I really really liked you, did you think I am joking? Hwhw. How can I gave you that look, I even sometimes now can not look into your eyes (except if I need to ask you questions just like the last time you came here), I don't know why, may be because I am afraid about what you think of me.
And V, when when I said that I am MelCholeric, it is not mean that I would be angry like that to you, especially for sweet reason like that. I did get upset with you in the phone once in January because I kind of brokenhearted
I thought that you wanted to report me to a police just because I saved your picture, when I already told you before and you didn't say anything before.
When all you told me before that is that you liked me, you want me, and so on with the Songs Lyrics you sent me, and I really believed that (I was too naive, my mistake, wkwkwk)
Sometimes, I even thought that you loved me even since the song by 4 of spades. So I kind of testing your love, when I told you in Jan that if you want to report just report, I want to see what your real feeling was towards me, do you even hate me
I never wanted to ask u to leave your girlfriend V, u misunderstood,
What I want to do when I said I wanted to see u in the beginning on March is to confirming what am I to you,
will you pretend that u don't know anything, or even
will you pretend u don't know me, or
will u even pretend u didn't see me.
And if u want to talk to me, I want to ask u, are the songs really for me or are they mean nothing,
And if they really mean something, I wanted to ask u do u really have a girlfriend or not V, because I still not sure if you really saying the truth about that or not (at that time, now I already know hehe), and
I want to asked you are u serious when you said to him that you don't want me to disturb your life forever.
and if your answer is u have a girlfriend, and if I feel like u don't want me to be in your life again, then I may be I wished I could ask you for the first and the last time a hug or even a kiss (if you would give me), and I would thank you for every kindness you gave to me in the past, and I will may be never come back and will not disturb you anymore in the future just as you wished, that was what actually in my mind.
What I didn't know is, I really thought that you and her are not in a relationship anymore, because I thought you didn't liking her photos anymore that time, I didn't knew that you actually still in a relationship (bc I thought your relationship status in facebook is outdated too, looks like u don't use fb anymore)
And then V, you are right, I only think about making you happy with my way, I forget that our way of looking happiness can be different.
For me, the way I show Love for somebody is actually by physical,
When I said in the past that I want to love you just by photo is actually because I realized, that this was actually one sided, so I mean that I had no choice but just to love you from a far.
Physical by mean of long hug and kisses on cheeks forehead and strong smooch on the lips, that is my love language more than any other, I don't consider make out or sex with love, for me it is a Lust and just for pleasure.
I don't know, may be your style of loving someone is different V, hehe
V, I want simple things like holding my hand and allow me to hug you for several minutes or kiss your cheek and forehead. And then just eat together and have a light or fun conversation.
Because we still don't know each other very much,
Hmm, you know V, I ran away from in-laws home for so many reason, I would make another letter about that if you wish to know that,
But one of the reason, is also because I want to be myself. Because I am not comfortable showing my true self with just anybody. Believe me, even my mother would tell me not to be my child self,
Because my true child self is just like a 6 years old girl you know, and I feel very free talk to my son just like I want to, and no body hear that except my son and him
I like to talk with a child voice, sing with a child voice, when I am feeling energized, I can sing with very high notes, and dance like a child
If you see my true hidden self, you will think that I am actually just a kid inside, but can turn back into adult when in front of people, wkwk
But V, I totally understand about your situation, it's not easy to find somebody like her,
If you ask me if I am jealous, I am very much,
I even cried when I realized you are back with her, several days after reading your letter, I sometimes thought may be you tell me that just to comfort me if one day I see something heartbreaking.
Thank you V for your feelings for me,
It's really an honor that somebody leveled so high like you can Love someone like me
If you want to reply, I would just ask you 3 things, I really hope you would give me an answer, please ,V š
What is actually your health problem V, would you tell me honestly? Please V, sometimes I become anxious about it, I dreaming about your lungs 2 times and also sometimes your leg before you finished your final assignment. And also do you jogging in the morning as I asked you to?
Second,
You said you will hug me when you see me again, is that true? Would you allow me to hug you for several minutes? That would be my dream comes true, sweet š„¹š©·
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