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Finally dad gets out of the house. We needed space. As I said the problem is him. He's the aggressor NOT ME. Its peaceful now without him. so that shows much I'm right. He went to stay with my aunt she's having vertigo issues. I understand I don't wish it on anyone I had it the other day. She's got crystals in her ears id never heard of it but I guess its a real thing you can have them form in your ears.
Anyway I'm thinkingof 2 things right now.
1. As I part read dads journal today I couldn't bring myself to read it all he said that I'm "not gonna hate him or say I hate him". As if he can control my feelings about him and saying I'm gonna do this that or the other. Well if we can't control him in his drunks he sure as hell can't control me either.
and dad you conditioned my feelings of numbness and kind of hating you you being verbally abusive to me SO MANY TIMES. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FEEL ABOUT YOU? You can't expect me to go thank for treating me like sh!t I love you for it now can you!? On top of no apologies for causing me bodily harm and multiple physical assaults. Oh but you're playing victim for making me angry and refusing to apologize. I know that's what he's told my aunt that he's the victim in all this I know he's talked about me by now that's how he is. You cant change how I feel from giving me years of abuse. He acts like it hurts him guess he never was forced to become numb to abusive behavior. Well being unapologetic and abusive isn't helping things between us drugs drunk or no drugs drunk. I'm human too I'm not a physical verbal emotional punching bag which he has used me for. Its on you dad not me so don't cry victim OVER WHAT YOU DID TO ME. I have the feeling my aunt's going along with him that's how she is too. Both are 1 sided.
2. Secondly well she's the one who chose to be unnecessarily petty to me by leaving me out of a family outing going "only got room for 2" which was a total lie. Then goes Facebook oh we had a goooooood dayyyyyh. Well the shoe isn't pleasant onnthe other foot is it. Karma.
So we heard she was wanting to go back to visit where we all grew up. My cousin supposedly knowingly memorial day weekend slipped to go there without her so she says. Him knowing she wanted to go. He was always pretty callous too. After all he knew his brother was a crook yet stayed silent and allowed him to rip me off. WHEN BBE COULD HAVE TOLD ME. anyway hed rather take his friend than her. Well it doesn't feel so great to purposely be left out now does it!? Now see how you like it as I know she doesn't. Tbh that was pretty low. Her own son do her that way if its not a lie. Then again so was how she did me. I had to see from social media what went on that day at home alone with the dog. Ok now I think I can rest.
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