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I've lost all sense of joy when thinking about you.
I've lost the sensations, even the lust.
I've lost curiosity over your life.
I've lost hope and faith in who you are.
When I see your face, I'm not excited. Not even nostalgic or hurt.
It feels as a meaningless face that once crossed my path.
I can't hear your words. They've lost meaning and effect on my soul. It's like hearing the speech of an unending broken toy. With no wheels and no salvation.
The lovers you made, their ghosts now run away from me, scared, frightened, because I've destroyed them inside of me and find themselves trembling, completely powerless.
As they always were.
The echoes of the women you threatened me to pursue and conquest for your "good looks" have been erased from my heart and soul,
I no longer believe in anything you have to say. I don't believe in your feelings. I don't believe in your heart. I don't believe in you. You are dead to me. Plain and simple. I buried you so deep that, now, I cannot find you anymore. When you say you loved me, all I hear is "I'm scared of being alone" but you're wrong with me, I'm not scared of aloneness. I'm not scared of not being loved or remembered. I'm not scared of human fragile emotions, that changes as they please and benefit them. I cannot give you what I no longer have. And that is love for you. I gave you my cup full and you drank it all like a damn fool, pushed my limits beyond your understanding, understimated my patience and tolerance for you and your shameful actions. Romanticizing tragedy believing as if you were Shakespeare and I, your muse. That only existed in your head. What I was seeing was a fool with too many things in his hands and didn't knew how to handle them. You saw yourself as a demon and I, an angel. And all I saw was an idiot too lost inside his fantasy world that couldn't see the solutions in front of him and kept perpetuating the same cycle of pain and suffering. You understimated my patience, tolerance and resistance. My good intentions with you caught fire with your pride, ego and self indulgence. They're gone. The ashes dissolved in the air until there was nothing left. What makes you think I'm gonna receive you with open arms when it was you who pushed me away for your stupid ego? What makes you think I don't have scars? I have them. Sadly, emotional scars can be felt even after years of healing. It's not that I cannot forgive you. Forgiveness is a great quality. But you haven't earned it. You're still acting tough and macho man. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of explaining a man how to manage it's feelings and how to overcome hardships. I'm not your mother. I don't have patience for a Man Child with Peter Pan complex, self indulgence and narcissism. I'M TIRED. Get that through your stubborn skull! I want to be on my own, I want freedom. Not to keep dealing with your stubbornness and helplessness. I helped everything that I could and still, you said it wasn't enough.
You're on your own, then.
Let me be.
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