Life sometimes

Why life? Why do you have to be so unconquerable and shitty? You are sending us to our inevitable doom every time we are born. Unless it's all our parents fault. Then whose fault is it in the first place? Who are our parents going to blame? Their parents? Which brings me to the origin of life. I was that stupid person that didn't understand where we came from. The theory of evolution was great for that; but then we ask ourselves where do things come from... and I'm asking for the Charles Darwin of space and time, I really am. Someone with far superior intellect would come and enlighten this dumb ass dude that is me? Life, you are dogshit since the day we met. You have done me so wrong. I know you gave me a chance, but who am I even talking to? Life is not a person or someone, life is all the other shitty people in my life that ever made me feel terrible. And well, I could talk on and on about "this happened to me here, this happened to me there", but it's just me now. I can't tell you what it feels like, my liver feels weird, my brain is shit, my eyes don't see like they used to, etc; all my body is absolute dogcrap. I would long for a second chance if I was having a cardiac arrest, but I'm too alive now... I'm just feeling like there's forces pulling each other apart all around me, and I can't tell if they do it for love or hate... but what am I saying? Nature doesn't love or hate, it's like blaming life for being shitty... life isn't a person like I said. Why does everything in life decrease in excitement? For every living creature ever. It's saddening, I think if the universe started with a bang, that momentum wore off, and now we are the remains, the ashes that are basically dead/unalive matter fighting to survive. So fucking sick with this shit every day. And I don't wanna "die"... let's put it in quotes because we don't actually die, we pass all our suffering during our lifetime to become a part of the mist, basically back to being stardust and back to square one. Do you want to know what's the meaning of life? Sticking your few inches dick into a woman's vagina, and it can either be consensual or rape. I truly do give up. My days of depression have won, those torturous voices that once told me I couldn't get over it... they have won. But then again, I'm blaming no one; who am I to blame? God? Well fuck that guy, could he be more silent? I never felt the existence of a God even if I wanted to. It's all going to boil down to the fact that we are pretty much alive whether we like it or not. I need my Charles Darwin of spacetime man... I really am sick of feeling, like I don't want to do or listen to anything... I just want to put my misery to rest; it's like suicide is always the best answer, but I'm never going to kill myself. I think I'm getting ahead of myself, but who cares? It's not something that I can control... it's like I'm just watching my life from first person view go by. I mean, you know? We didn't really have a choice, nature did its thing, we fought for survival, we faced many obstacles on the way... okay, that's great; can you stop going for a second and realize that we are all going to die? I see the look of disappointment in people's faces right now... they are looking at me in the eyes and I feel ashamed of what I said; I can see their souls through their eyes, they are inviting me to not give up... But I have no strength, I just want for the thing that's in my head to shut down; I know I couldn't go far without breathing, beating, or thinking, so I'm not afraid of being dead; what I'm afraid of is... you guessed it, the process of dying. You know what man? It is what it is; how about I get ahead of time and I, myself start realizing some things before my Charles Darwin of spacetime comes rescue me? Yeah, that'd be great. Add that to my list of things that I claim to know. You are staring at what it is a failure in the chain of human evolution. I could never dream in a thousand years to continue with this... and that's because having kids is hard as shit; you have to maintain them, take them places, they are gonna shit all over the place... and I'm pitying my mom and dad right now, for having such an abortion failure like me. You can call this an existential crisis if you want... I hope to have these pretty often. You are not alone in this, I'm with you... even though I dislike you and you are not my friend.

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