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I've been trying to live in the now and not put a second thought into things. That's why when I come back to watching a video I'm like "I don't remember this part... it was funny," because I'm not putting much effort into remembering or trying to ingrain it in my memory.
Well, that's true until it isn't, because when I get into a thoughtful monologue with myself and think about my past and just... think, then I start to lose my grip on reality.
It's funny how I don't want to get existential anymore these days because I found out that life is full of responsibilities and one day the weight of the world is going to be put on me, at least when it comes to holding my own.
Yeah, so truthfully speaking, I have no idea what's real and what's not anymore, like when you say "live in the now," am I taking away from it and fooling myself into some dull way of thinking or am I actually living in the now? I can't tell... since to me, things are kinda always there.
I said to myself I was going to stop playing around, and you know... when they said life was not easy they meant this, well... no one can judge me, only the truth will tell.
Right now, let me tell you, I talk about living in the now, but I'm actually pretty out of my mind, I feel high almost.
I've been thinking that no amount of words or convincing is going to change the fact that life goes on regardless... and that's life.
You know what, just an itty bitty existential segment here, but everyone or at least many people try to understand existence, right? So rule number one, if you want to call existence "something," you made your first mistake; because then you think about nothingness.
When I look at the constellations, those beautiful clusters of stars that form stunning figures, to me it's very obvious that the universe is a bunch of figments put together in the most organized way possible, and that's just existence...
Trying to understand "something" with our tiny heads... there was never a possibility. The bafflement is caused by misconceptions and the fact that we are so pretentious.
Forming the idea in your head of a universe or something as it stands, does not allow for such things as thinking before "it" there was "none," because "none" is the absence of "it."
So to me, existence is a big figmentation of things righteously coming out to be, and it's what I would call "the endless tree."
However, for someone who talks about living in the now, I'm not doing that right now! Because life to me becomes really lame when I just waste time trying to think about what to do, and to me what's really been inspiring me is to reread these whenever I'm feeling like recalling my mind's journal.
It's a nice feeling to let everything out here, and for at least someone to read it. However, lastly, I wanted to say, that if you are trying to force yourself to remember something over and over again (like they teach you in school), then you are not living in the moment, and therefore that takes away points for enjoying it afterwards. Living in the now means detaching your mind from your mind, and simply enjoying the present.
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