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Basically I just want to write about my family situation. Its effed up. I don't know what's wrong with my dad. The last 2 or 3 days he's had this sour mad at the world attitude complaining about everything. He's been this way a few times in the past. Being miserable with life basically in my understanding. I told mom I think he needs to go to the mental ward for a week or so. He was psychotic when he was like this before. We had HUGE heated shouting matches before him taking his misery all out on me , mom yelling to stop and get telling me to shut up when he's the one who starts the sh!t. All it does is cause a lot of anger and resentment FOR NO REASON ALL BECAUSE HRS MISERABLE WITH HIS OWN LIFE AND TOI CHICKEN SH!T TO TELL OTHER'S HOW HE ACTUALLY FEELS HE THINKS ITS MUCH EASIER TO TAKE ALL HIS AGGRESSION ANGER INSTEAD OUT ON ME smh
This is twice in 2 days he's called me a sorry ass FOR NO REASON waking me up this morning doing so😠in an awful tone when that statement is not true at all. I do so much around here.
From what I gather he's angry that his sister wont call him and he got screwed out of going to another State to visit our relatives when his sister's son spoke up and said he'd take her thereby removing any possibility of dad going.
He's been this way in the past and on not talking about the physical verbal mental psychological emotional abuse from him I've received. No if any body screwed him over he'd be too chicken sh!t to confront them so instead he'd take all that anger OUT ON ME INSTEAD. I felt like harming him so many times for it. But he's not worth jail time. I don't know but I wish he'd deal with his own problems and quit making everyone around him miserable because he is. I unfortunately can't just up n move out or I would gladly. And mom she always goes ignore him, he's just playing (yeah right bullsh!t). Here solution for everything is ignore unless he's the one harassing her while he's drunk. How the fk do you expect me to ignore that when I feel like he's a ticking time bomb. I feel it within me. He did threaten to cut my fkn head off 2 year's ago. Idc if he was drunk or not I seriously think he was going to the way he looked at me with huge saucer eyes had I not just shut my mouth and walked away from him. I seriously thought he was gonna kill me. I mean he didn't care to physically hit me before when I called him a mere cussword for him starting sh!T with me. He's always the one who starts the fights. And no dad your past drug habits are not an excuse for the trauma you've caused me. You were in control of your own actions before you ever laid a hand on me. Drug withdrawal, misery or not. You were in full control. Your excuses of using excessive amounts of lsd and a host of other drugs in younger years are not and is a piss poor blame game excuse for what you've done to me. As I said you were in full control of your own actions before you ever let your anger take over to harm me. This is why im just about done with him. You also don't tell only child YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT ............. ON FATHER'S DAY OF ALL DAYS.
our relationship depends/ depended on how you treat/ed me. You've about exhausted all of my feelings for you so you have no one to blame but yourself in that respect.
But back to what I was saying idk whats wrong with him at the moment. Most days we barely say a few words to a few sentences to each other. That's it. Unless of course he wants something from me. Like my meds. Then he'll be nice to me or fake nice rather. I don't need this in my life I need peace for one. That's enough for now.
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