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Holy fuck, I just discovered that I'm a control freak. More for myself and for the scenarios in life than for others. I approach any scenario in life with a mindset. I literally can't move on without stagnating first. Many thoughts are involved in the process of moving on from a struggle in life, and the over analyzing of a situation in the process. Scientists tell me our universe commenced with an explosion, and so I literally take any scenario from life with that approach; I need to reach for the stars and go big or go home. I need to push it forward, 'cause yes, I'm what I would call a pushy person. I need to pull the strings from my mind in order to overcome pretty much every obstacle. To me, mindset is everything; it's the reassurance and the way you convince yourself in order to be happy. I can't be the only one who struggles mentally for a while and in the back of their head they have a constant feeling of coming back to something that made them feel so sure and validated before. It's every time with this; my mind can't stop holding on, and to me, depression is like when the pressure gets too much and I can no longer depend on it. One day it won't matter and I will have to accept reality, and that the world doesn't care about waiting for me. I somehow trust that there's a plan for me, but in the way that nature has it. Nature is everything to me. Like Frankie said, "I did it my way." I'm too wired and obsessed for something that's not gonna pay out in the end. I've been thinking about life and to me a human life is far too complex and needy to bring into this world without knowing what you are doing, and some people bring child into it because of lack of protection. I believe it's any parent's fear to have kids and their kids go through everything they went through. My mind is a factory of playing sounds, words, faces, etc.; I keep having constant memories of experiences and play them all constantly in my head... like a ceaseless overthinking mind. Perfect way to describe it, control freak.
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