Probably rambling thoughts

Last night and yesterday dad acted cold as could be to me. Yet he kisses his acquaintances and my aunt's asses. Hes only "nice" to me when he "wants something" from me (usually my meds because he can never take his right (also nothing new) ). He acted like the dog had more value than me last night and talked to him like he was valued abd acted like i was shit.

This is why im numb to dad. He died to me when be abused and physically assaulted me multiple times a few years back. He always was a source of trauma for me emotionally before that. Always made excuses for his behavior saying he busted his nerves from overuse of LSD. Idgaf NOTHING validates abuse. Period. I had opportunity to hurt him a couple years ago he took so many drugs his body was like a wet noodle and collapsed/passed out unconscious falling onto the kitchen floor. I wanted to kick his head tbh for the physical abuse he gave me WITHOUT APOLOGY. But that's not who I am. Id be no better than him if I did that.

Anyway this despite seeing me fucking limping I was acted like i was worthless because I have unknown caused back and leg issues right now. They him n mom acted like it was the end of the world because I was unable to walk the dog yesterday morning despite me being in quite a bit of physical pain like this morning. I cant help what's wrong with me at the moment. They should understand that but they're always not happy until they what they want their way. Even if it means me suffering through pain.

Anyway point being I deserve way more respect and better treatment than im getting from both of them. Because before this I was doing about literally near everything for them. Not totally but alot. I remember when I got hurt at work once bosses talked to me and treated me like I was shit til I got somewhat better (lovely being kicked while you're down🥀😔). They act kinda the same.

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