Another Wave Away From Me

I had a good laugh at myself last night and again tonight. There was a message that seemed so much like your pattern of writing. This person still wanted the other person that they broke up from. I know that couldn't be you yet still I wanted to believe. Sounded so much like things you might say, but I had to remind myself that I tend to view things so damn incorrectly. The heart tricks the mind all too often to believe the unbelievable. Or is it that the mind tricks the heart? Either way I'm wrong and humbled at the same time. Looking back, I'm still surprised that you ever spoke to me again after you told me to stay away/never speak to you again. I'm always grateful that you gave me the opportunities to try to talk things out with you. Anyway, it got me to thinking about the music.

I peeped in on your playlists and was further reminded of how far off I've always been. For example, I used to think that AM stood for the person who introduced us rather than a radio frequency but when it was deleted all those months ago I realized my mistake. I used to think those songs were a hidden message about us. So silly of me.

But I will say that I do understand you better now when it comes to playlists. I'm finally able to understand the posting of music without any meaning connecting directly back to each other.

Yes, It has always been therapeutic to create playlists, and now it's nice to create just for the sake of creating again--for the love of music and expression without it having a deeper meaning--basically like I used to before I met you. I can view your recent additions and not think twice about the lyrics or even the melody because I know there's no longer an underlying meaning. That's probably the most beautiful gift you could've ever given me--letting me know that. It's what's allowed me the most healing and the ability to get better at letting go. Thank you for that.

My point is it's a nice feeling to finally understand what you were trying to say to me all along about the lyrics not having deeper meaning. I wanted you to know that I get it now, and it's a beautiful feeling to feel like music can just be simply lighthearted again. To be able to create playlists that expresses thoughts and/or feelings without it having an underlying meaning is nice. To know that there isn't a deeper meaning on your end is humbling. No longer do I feel tortured by your song choices. I do realize that I tortured myself. I'm sorry that I made such a big deal out of it and I'm sorry for making your music about me. That was so selfish. Maybe it wouldn't matter to you, and maybe you won't ever see this, but I like feeling like I'm sending out these positive vibes that I feel right now. Positive vibes filled with so much understanding and respect for you/your music.

I'm sorry that I couldn't understand before, but I'm glad that I do now. I've been enjoying music so much more lately and I hope that you are able to feel the same positivity through your music as well. It looks like it. 😊

*Just in case, please know that this isn't a ploy to try to get you to communicate. I know that ship has sailed and sank, but I really wanted to share my understanding. I guess somehow I hope you'll read this and smile at our individual growth as we continue to move on. Moving on from you will be the hardest thing I ever do, but I know it needs to be done. You recently spoke of karma and if I can sever that karmic tie in anyway by distancing myself more and more I hope it helps any remaining negative effects of our karma.

If you read this, then I wish you and yours happiness today and everyday.

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