DAY 27

I thought life was doing fine not until now.

I woke up suddenly from a nightmare.

It's currently 4 in the morning.

I dreamed about the things that happened to me this past of couple years and when I was a kid.

Those past mild bullies, my fears and anxiety they all gathered in that dream I end up crying so hard.

This is killing me, still haunting me even in my sleeps...

I needed to write, I wanted to calm, I'm too exhausted, My heart is in erratic.

Why does this nightmares wouldn't leave me alone.

I just want to have a peaceful night. Why?!

I was in a church and having this anxiety that people will look at me like a demon or will really know the real I am, how broken I am (My aunt keeps telling me this past few days to return to our church, telling me how I need God back in my life) (And I do needed him,but I'm too coward to face him and the ministry I left)

then the setting changed into a van, where some faces I knew was in there, some were in my middle school and grade school, suddenly they'll telling me how dirty I am, ugly I am, useless I am, taking my pocket money. I still can freshly hear their laughter while looking disgustedly at me. I was fighting back but I was too weak, they were too many of them, then throws me their heavy back-pack.

After it, I was running from them, and they were throwing me stones, it's funny how I can really physically feel the pain whenever they throw something.

Woke up catching my breath,crying like a baby....

Life is really something,

Haunts me with the past, in day and at night.

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