Insecurity: Why Are We So Insecure?

Have you ever wondered why our insecurities warp our self-image and influence our behavior? Do you struggle with insecurity and want to be more confident? PsychAlive shares their expertise and suggests advice to better handle your insecurities.

PsychAlive points out that we are a generation that compares, evaluates, and judges ourselves with great scrutiny. This self judgement and internal dialog that occurs within ourselves is called the “Critical Inner Voice”.

The Critical Inner Voice is formed out of early experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes towards us or those close to us. As we mature we unknowingly adopt this pattern of destructive thoughts towards ourselves and others.

Insecurity is then maintained throughout our lives by listening to these destructive inner thoughts rather than questioning them.

Do any of these Critical Inner Thoughts sound familiar to you?

“You’re so ugly. You’ll never be good enough. You’re fat there’s no way they’ll like you. You’re a loser. You’re a failure. You don’t deserve to be happy. There’s something wrong with you. You can never do anything right. Just give up it’s not worth trying.”

It’s likely you noticed some of these examples. Insecurities tend to creep up at work, in relationships, and can be crippling.

PsychAlive notes that this inner voice gets louder as we get closer to our goals. The first step for challenging your Critical Inner Voice is to write your negative thoughts down in the second person using “You” instead of “I”. This method helps to identify the thoughts as vicious attacks from an enemy rather than your real point of view.

After writing down your negative thoughts in the second person and challenging them, it’s important to then assess where the thoughts may be originating from. What happened in your past that might cause you to think that way?

Once you’re ready to answer back to your self-critic, try expressing your real point of view as if you were compassionately talking to a friend who was verbally attacked. Write down rational and realistic statements from this point of view about how you really are. Novni is a great place to practice this strategy.

Once you actively start trying to change your way of thinking, anxiety will likely creep up louder than ever before. Your Critical Inner Voice is like a monster. Do not feed the monster! Do not side with them and give in to their negativity. Persevere and with time you can take command over your insecurities.