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Recently I decided not to have children. It’s not that I don’t like them or want them around or think that I would be a bad parent, not if I really tried. And definitely not because I am doing my part to combat overpopulation. I always wanted kids--it wasn’t something I frequently thought about. Unlike other girls, I never picked my favorite names in case I had a boy and girl. I just always assumed I would have one and that it would be when I was ready. At that time, my heart was brimming with love to give a child. Now, I can’t imagine having the willpower to get up in the morning, go to work, make dinner, fold laundry and accomplish the million other tasks required to raise a child while imparting some sense of useful knowledge I’ve managed to glean over the past few decades.
So I’ve decided the best route for me and any theoretical offspring is to simply avoid it all together. I seem to be doing that a lot in my life, slowly existing from responsibility and challenge, like when I left my full-time job and, after a stint of unemployment, took a part-time job for a better “work-life balance.” I already have one foot out the door.
I thought less pressure would bring clarity to the things that matter. It didn’t. It just made me feel worse about myself and hopeless about the life I am going to lead and person I will become. Turns out, I’m not too different from my birth mother after all. I guess you can’t escape your genes, but I think that if you try hard enough, you can overcome them. The problem is, with genes like these, how do you get the willpower in the first place?
It’s really frightening when you realize the real reason you don’t want to have kids is so you can leave this life whenever you want.
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ReplyHonestly, you are allowed to not want children. You are allowed to not want that responsibility, or those extra fears. Being a parent doesn't complete your life, and there are other things you can pursue if you want to. Also, it's not as if this decision is the be-all and end-all to having children. Maybe later in life, you will have children. Maybe you will adopt or foster them. Maybe you will just be someone's beloved godmother or aunt.
Also, it takes two to tango, right? Maybe children will become more viable with a partner to support you, someone who you can trust to share responsibilities and the fears and all the great things too. If you don't have that right now, that's okay. But it's not the end of everything, right?
To me, you sound like you're stressed right now, and in that situation, it's a good sign that you're looking out for yourself and for any potential future children. But remember that every single 'tomorrow' is the first day of the rest of your life, and you always have the ability to change, and grow, and develop as a person.
Good luck on centering yourself. Remember that you can always change your mind, and it's not wrong to do so. And it's okay to just take your time.
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