Undefinable Love

I lay in a pitch black room, the only sounds that scratch my ear is the sweet breath of my partner. My chest heavy feeling as though my lungs are being shattered from invisible weight. I look upon the abyss ceiling searching for the glimpse of dim light. My body lays hopelessly on a dense wood bed. I ponder how my life has gotten to this point. When did I choose love over ambition. The true me hiding behind the dark figurines, trying to escape the weight of shame that holds her down. The woman I now see is an imposter, she wears my face and speaks like me but she’s just an illusion.

His wimps of love only come with a burden, the unconditional love for his child. The tears shift down faster as I think of how blissful life would be if I was just capable of true self-love.I can’t fathom the thought of loving another human inside of me until I truly learn how to love myself. As I clench my teeth and remain motionless, I gather one mere thought. Can I pretend anymore? Pretend to be capable of handling so many consequences at once or will I fall like gravel, only becoming weaker with every drop.

But that’s life knowing about the unknown, trying to conceive that in another life you made a different decision. You wonder where that version of yourself is and are they happy with the choices you never made.