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It's been a year since I've liked you. I remember the first day we met. It felt like yesterday. I can't believe how much time has passed by. When we first met, I knew that you liked another girl in our class. I tried not to fall for you... but it failed. I couldn't help but notice your smile and kindness that lured me in. Every time I see you express your feelings to the girl, I feel a bit of pain inside of me. It wasn't until the 2nd semester of school that you began to notice me. We've ran into each other a lot and each time, my heart beats faster and faster. You were always the one who made the first move.
Useless and unacceptable thoughts suddenly filled my mind as we got closer to each other. I thought, maybe, you liked me and wanted to get to know me better. I saw your actions as a way to impress me. But deep inside, I know that I was just imagining things. At the end of the school year, I saw you with a girl. I didn't recognize her at all. The last day of school was filled with joy and jealousy. I was sad to say goodbye to you but excited for the next school year.
The new school year came (2017-2018) and school started again. The first few days, I noticed that you were keeping your distance away from me. Each time we would pass by each other in the halls, you would only notice my friend. Every time you talked to her or waved at her when I was beside her, it hurts. It hurts to be ignored. We would make eye contacts but you always quickly look away. Soon enough, jealousy took over me. I began telling myself that you hated me or that you liked my friend. I came up with theories of why you were avoiding me. The best one that I could relate to the most was that you knew that I like you, but you don't feel the same way so you're trying to distance yourself from me so that I would start liking you less. Even my friend agreed. One day, it was my friend's birthday and we saw each other again. This time, it was really obvious that you were ignoring me. My friend noticed too and stated the hard truth: You're distancing yourself from me.
It was like a slap to the face. My heart dropped and tears just started to form and before I knew it, I was crying, stupidly crying in public. I was mad at myself. "Why am I such an introverted person? Why couldn't I be born pretty? Why am I so useless? etc" But what could I do? I can't change you. I can't change how you feel about me. So I decided to forget you and move on. I was doing so well... until a few weeks later, you began to talk to me again.
Little by little, my heart opened up again. It was as if you were gluing pieces of my broken heart together. I felt close to you again. But I took everything for granted. I came back from a field trip and went to a class to see what I had missed and also because I low-key wanted to see you. But I immediately regretted it. What I saw broke my heart once again. A girl asking you to the dance, wanting you to be her partner...and go to the dance as a "couple". I know I'm being dramatic but I can't help it. I remember when we made eye contact in that exact moment. It was as if time had stopped. I ignored you, feeling hopeless. I knew that there were girls who were prettier than me who had an interest in you too. But I never really thought about it.
After that one day... we stopped talking. We've gotten distant. You would often wave at my friend again, but we've been avoiding each other. Although I have the urge to talk to you once again, I know it won't happen. I wish that I could make the first move but no matter how much I want to, I can't. Honestly, I think that it's for the best if I forget you. Even if you had liked me, just for a second, I'm grateful. This may be selfish, but I just want you to call my name and smile at me one last time. I'm not asking for much, but just a smile from you would make me the happiest person on earth. All the memories we've spent together felt like a dream, it felt so real yet too real to be true. I'm sorry for everything. I'll cherish these memories forever. Thank you for allowing me to feel this way and experience the feeling of liking someone. I will say this one last time...
"I really like you."
- Shy Kookie Girl
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