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I thought hopefulness would follow me through this struggle. Three Cisplatin chemotherapy treatments, 28 external beam radiation, 5 brachytherapy sessions. 13 weeks later.... I am showing an all clear for the cancer, I was treated for. Two lymph nodes still appear in the PET scan (not bad/not good). I'm tired, exhausted... especially after I try to do things; simple things like cooking and cleaning... grocery shopping and light walks... It throws me off for days.... DAYS! I can't eat right or not at all.... sleeping is a pain.... nothing of this feels like "recovery". It is suffering, and I ask myself if it is worth it. Day after day of fighting..... prisoner or fighter, it makes no difference. The struggle... I try though. I have a family... a grandson.... i'm only 40. I don't want to fight, but I fight.... for them. I think I have started to understand what it means to be human.
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I was diagnosed with cancer in my 20's. I was undergoing chemotherapy at the time I learned I was pregnant. I discontinued chemo until after the birth of my son, returning to treatment the day he was born. I know how exhausting it is. It definitely can feel like suffering. My son is now the same age I was when I was diagnosed (yes, you and I are close in age). Once through the dark days of fighting, it takes several months for the body to recover and to get energy, good sleep, and the ability to eat well back again. But it does happen, and when it does, it feels great. Congrats on your all clear - and get ready for the check-up stress and fear! Keep up the good struggle!
ReplyI struggle every day. I have stage IV breast cancer metastasized to my bones. There is no cure, but for now my medication is working. I have a hard time sleeping and I have had 3 vertebral fractures. I’ve had a mastectomy, ovary removal, numerous biopsies, chemo, radiation, injections, IVs, pills, and some bad side effects. I am achy and tired and anxious....but I am also an ass kicker and tough. So I fight and go out every day. I went back to college to study biochemistry and cancer. I’ve made new friends at school. I tell everyone about cancer, and how healthy people like I was can still get it. I try to encourage kids at school to go into the field of research, so someday a cure can be found. So keep fighting. And keep exercising, it helps.
ReplyHow are things going? Chemo ages you man. I'm 18 but I feel like I'm 50, so I can't imagine how old you feel.
ReplyYou're a warrior you just don't know it
Reply